I’m not the best at keeping track of dates. I often forget little things like Thanksgiving being the fourth Thursday of November or that New Year’s Day falls exactly one week after Christmas. Those who know when Harvest Moons and Daylight Saving Time occur must either be calendar enthusiasts or descendants of fortune tellers. If it weren’t for my phone reminders, I’d likely miss birthdays, anniversaries, and the days when giveaways happen on daytime talk shows. However, there’s one date that sticks in my mind after three pregnancies in three years: the six-week postpartum checkup.
This is the appointment where the OB-GYN takes a close look at your lady parts under an intense light, while asking questions that seem almost intrusive. As you hint at the desire for a prescription for some form of sleep aid for your newborn, your doctor will smile and congratulate you on your new arrival, followed by the sentence you’re completely unprepared for: “You can start having sex again.”
At that moment, it feels like your “Gone Fishin’” sign has been ripped off your vagina. If this is your first baby, your partner is likely by your side, and his face will light up like it did when he first held his newborn. But soon enough, he’ll witness the transformation of your expression through The Five Stages of Grief, all while you’re still in a rather undignified pose.
Denial
“I believe you must have mixed up my file. I just delivered a human being. That’s her right there. She tore through me like a tiny Trojan Horse. Are you sure you graduated from medical school?”
Anger
“Why am I here? I was told you’d prescribe me some happy pills, not suggest I start having sex with… (subtle head nod in partner’s direction). And can I please have my underwear back?”
Bargaining
“Alright, maybe I overreacted. Let’s meet halfway. You loosen a couple of those stitches down there, and I’ll send my friends with yeast infections your way. Deal?”
Depression
This phase is marked by silence as you realize the only moments you’ve had to yourself lately for a shower or a social media update have been stolen.
Acceptance
You slowly nod, shifting your gaze from the doctor to your baby to your partner, realizing they are all conspiring to wreak havoc on your body and your precious TV time.
As you leave the office, possibly still wearing those oversized hospital pads, you do so with a heavy heart. You are now a “Dead Vagina Walking.” Meanwhile, your partner practically skips out, humming something smooth by Marvin Gaye.
Then it hits you — whatever day falls six weeks after your delivery, whether it’s a Tuesday in May or a Friday in December, that will be your symbolic death day. Friends and family will reminisce with somber nods, “She endured so much: sleepless nights, questionable hygiene, stretchy pants, and a diet of cereal. Yet, her doctor told her it was time for exercise and intimacy. It was all too overwhelming.”
It’s true; it is a lot to handle. A nurse once whispered to me on my way out of the hospital with my first child to beware of the six-week postpartum mark. This is when colic often strikes, postpartum depression can rear its head, and the casseroles and support from friends vanish. The stress amplifies when your partner starts giving you those longing looks. It’s not that you don’t appreciate his affection. Bless the man who can see the beauty beyond the stretch marks and sagging skin! It’s just that your body feels like a science experiment gone wrong, and your ability to enjoy intimacy seems lost in the chaos of new motherhood.
Still, your partner might start to act like an overzealous puppy if you continue to cite “mysterious issues down there” as the reason for postponing intimacy. He’ll begin to suspect you’re considering a life of celibacy in a convent. Even you realize that reconnecting could help you feel more like your old self again. After all, you made it through pregnancy and delivery together; surely, you can navigate your way back to intimacy. Isn’t marriage about compromise and taking leaps of faith?
But let’s be real; those sweatpants aren’t coming off anytime soon.
For more insights and information on navigating the postpartum period, check out this great resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re looking for excellent tools to assist with your journey, consider the Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo for your family planning needs. You can also read about various aspects of home insemination on this blog.
In summary, navigating postpartum life can be overwhelming, with the unexpected pressures of intimacy and self-care. While it can feel like you’re losing a part of yourself, communication and understanding with your partner can help you rediscover your connection.