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Parenting
My Daughter Is Stunning, and I’ll Tell Her So Whenever I Like
By Emily Thompson
Updated: Dec. 1, 2023
Originally Published: July 26, 2013
I hate to break it to you, but something troubling is unfolding, and it’s largely our own doing.
Collectively, it appears we’ve decided to redefine what it means to be a girl. This is not the issue at hand—this is, in fact, a positive and necessary evolution. Today’s girls will grow up surrounded by messages and images that portray them and their peers as Brave, Strong, Intelligent, and Independent. It’s about time too!
However, the unfortunate consequence of this shift is that, somewhere along the line, the term “Beautiful” has become tainted.
In recent months, I’ve come across numerous blog posts and articles suggesting that while girls should not be reduced to “just pretty faces”—a point on which most of us can agree—calling a girl “beautiful” is now seen as an insult. One mother wrote an “open letter,” essentially begging her neighbors to refrain from commenting on her daughter’s lovely hair. Another mother claimed she never refers to her daughter as beautiful, insisting that she offers her a plethora of compliments each day, but avoids mentioning her physical appearance for fear of cultivating an arrogant or insecure, image-obsessed teenager.
Jo Swanson, the Women’s Minister in the UK, even weighed in, urging parents to abandon the term “beautiful” for their daughters, suggesting it conveys that looks are the ultimate priority in life. Not to be left out, Doutzen Kroes, a Victoria’s Secret model, expressed her preference for her daughter to be labeled “smart” over “beautiful,” advocating for aspirations beyond modeling. Kroes argues we should “teach girls they can be presidents.”
Sure, I want my daughter to know she can aim for any career she desires—even the presidency. But what’s wrong with being both smart and beautiful?
People of the internet: We’ve taken the Girl Power movement a bit too far. By “we,” I mean “you,” because I call my daughter beautiful thousands of times a day (give or take).
My daughter is stunning, as I’m sure the daughters of those mothers are too. To help my beautiful girl internalize her worth, I tell her she is beautiful—often. I’ll continue expressing this until my words become her own, helping her recognize the inherent beauty that is uniquely hers. She is, after all, more than just a pretty face. But that face? It’s beautiful.
I also tell her she’s kind, talented, generous, and clever. She’s bright, sensitive, and has a killer sense of humor (even at two!). She captivates her brothers with her witty remarks about bodily functions. She’s compassionate, loving, Brave, Strong, Intelligent, and Independent. I’ll keep praising her many qualities daily so she knows that every part of her—inside and out—matters amidst the chaos of daily life.
When I call my daughter beautiful, I’m celebrating her natural beauty. I don’t cover my two-year-old in makeup and then comment on her long lashes or cheekbone shape. I don’t highlight her hair and then swoon over her gorgeous curls. I don’t show her filtered close-ups of her denim-blue eyes and then tell her how they melt my heart. When I say she’s beautiful, I mean that she is stunning—bed-headed, dirty, mismatched, and crusty-nosed. Because she simply is, as any parent would attest.
Shouldn’t childhood be the time when we loudly affirm to both girls and boys just how beautiful they are? Before they start comparing themselves to magazine covers at the checkout? Before they hear about eyelash curlers and push-up bras in middle school? Before they encounter negativity from peers or start seeking validation through social media likes on photoshopped selfies?
Now is the time. I will call my daughter beautiful. I’ll smile adoringly when the sweet old man at the Post Office calls her a “Pretty Little Lady.” I’ll agree when the store clerk says, “Well, aren’t you just the cutest thing?!” And I will remind her daily that all of her—her mind, heart, spirit, and body—is beautiful, just as she is and however she chooses to express herself.
Calling my daughter beautiful won’t hold her back in any way, and I refuse to let the internet convince me otherwise. For more insightful perspectives, check out this post on genetic considerations during home insemination. And if you’re curious about home insemination kits, visit this authority on the topic.
Summary:
In a world where redefining the identity of girls is crucial, the term “beautiful” has been overshadowed by concerns about prioritizing looks over other attributes. Despite the push against labeling girls as beautiful, one mother asserts that it is essential to celebrate her daughter’s beauty alongside her intelligence, kindness, and strength. This affirmation not only boosts her self-esteem but also fosters a well-rounded sense of self-worth that will carry into her future.