Updated: July 10, 2020
Originally Published: September 27, 2013
I adore my kids. There, I’ve said it loud and clear. They mean the world to me, and I truly can’t envision my life without them.
But here’s the catch: I absolutely dread putting them to bed. I can’t stand it.
A close friend of mine, Emma, once shared that she relishes the bedtime routine and eagerly anticipates snuggling her children in each night. Honestly, I don’t understand why I keep her around—she makes me feel guilty about my feelings.
Am I a terrible parent for counting down the hours until bedtime, anxiously watching the clock as it creeps towards 8 PM? By the time evening hits, my heart races with anticipation.
From dawn till dusk, I juggle countless roles: wake-up service, chef, timekeeper, referee, chauffeur, therapist, educator, housekeeper, laundry guru, grocery shopper, negotiator, activity coordinator, circus master, drill sergeant, life-sized tissue, fashion advisor, nurse, playmate, and a jack of all trades—none of which I truly master. Do I want a medal for this endless cycle? No, I simply yearn for a genuine 15-minute breather—not the kind where I hide in the bathroom pretending to be busy while my kids knock insistently, wondering what’s taking so long (it’s only been a minute, after all).
I know some may label me as a cold-hearted mother because I’d rather skip reading yet another bedtime story and instead pour myself a glass of wine, sitting in the dark, contemplating the day’s chaos.
Reality of Our Bedtime Routine
Here’s the reality of our bedtime routine: It typically involves reading at least three books (which, of course, are always the longest ones they can find), overseeing the “potty and teeth brushing saga” (which inevitably leads to an overcrowded sink and simultaneous spitting), and guiding my children into their rooms amidst a symphony of whines, while repeatedly asserting that bedtime is not up for discussion. Trust me; they never win this battle! Why must we endure the same exhausting process night after night? Why can’t we learn from our past experiences and agree that some self-reflection is necessary when it comes to bedtime behavior?
Once they’re finally in their rooms, I have to “suck” the nightmares away. This involves my convincing them that I possess some magical ability to ward off their fears. Then comes the tucking in, laden with 27 hugs and kisses, sweet whispers, and my slow retreat from the room, hoping to avoid any further interruptions until morning. Just as I think I’m home free, one of my daughters has a sudden “brilliant” realization. “Mom, I forgot to tell you something super important!”
And so begins the back-and-forth as I bounce between rooms like a ping-pong ball, all while fighting the urge to scream, “GO TO SLEEP!” I’m at my wit’s end. I want to check out; I need a break. But I hold on until they finally release me from their grasp and drift into slumber.
After they’re asleep, I spend the next couple of hours packing their lunches for the following day, reminding them to hang up their wet snow pants (which they never do), filling out permission slips, and trying to sip just the right amount of wine to avoid a headache in the morning while simultaneously worrying about the day they’ll outgrow our bedtime routine, which I’ll ultimately miss. For now, though, it feels like a chaotic storm that I dread every night.
Additional Resources
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Summary
In this candid reflection, the author expresses her love for her children while revealing the exhausting nightly routine that accompanies bedtime. Rather than cherishing this time, she finds it to be a source of stress and chaos. Despite the struggles, there remains an underlying appreciation for these moments, even as they also evoke a sense of longing for peace and quiet.