Three years ago, my eldest daughter transitioned into her tween years without much notice. Perhaps I was preoccupied with my younger child’s antics or managing other daily tasks when the shift occurred. By the time I realized what was happening, I found myself scrambling to catch up. I dove into books and parenting blogs, sought advice from friends, and navigated through my own confusion, all in pursuit of an effective approach to parenting my almost-teen. Here’s what I’ve gathered about raising a tween girl:
She’s Her Own Person.
In my own middle school days, I faced bullying from girls I thought were friends. Their hurtful notes and gossip left me feeling isolated. So, when my daughter shares her experiences with mean girls, it’s hard not to relive my own painful memories. I remind myself that she is uniquely herself, with her own emotions, strengths, and vulnerabilities. My role is to support her as she navigates her feelings and experiences.
Be Present.
I’ve become the mom who plops down on the edge of her daughter’s bed and asks about her day. While she occasionally opens up, I’ve found that she speaks less than before. I’m learning the importance of simply being there for her, ready to listen when she’s ready to share. This means pausing my work when she approaches or giving her little sister some screen time so we can connect. It’s about showing her that I’m interested in her life while respecting her need for space.
Establish Boundaries.
Living with a tween brings a constant stream of requests: “Can I watch that new show?” “Can I change my hair color?” “Can I have friends over this weekend?” It’s easy to give in just to avoid the ensuing drama, but I often have to resist. As her life becomes more complex, she needs boundaries to feel secure and cared for. Though she may not appreciate it now, she’ll thank me later for the limits I set.
Know When to Say Yes.
As my daughter grows, the rules that once worked may need adjusting. I can allow her to stay up a little later or go out with friends on a school night, provided her responsibilities are met. These small grants of freedom help build her confidence and strengthen the trust between us—something that will be crucial when she’s a teenager asking for the car keys.
Understand Her Emotions.
When I explain why I don’t allow weekday sleepovers, I often see her frustration manifest physically. While her rudeness can be infuriating, I remind myself that hormonal changes can make it hard for her to control her reactions. Instead of escalating the conflict, I try to take a step back and give us both time to cool off.
Express Your Love.
At this age, the whirlwind of changes can be overwhelming for her—whether it’s acne, wardrobe choices, or academic pressures. It’s essential that she knows she is loved, regardless of how she feels about herself. This reassurance can help ease tensions, especially during disagreements over outfits that may not be suitable for certain occasions.
As I get the hang of parenting a tween, I’m reminded that my daughter will soon be 13. Am I fully prepared for the teenage years? Perhaps not yet, but I’m more aware this time around. If you’re looking for more parenting insights, check out our other blog posts, such as this one on home insemination. For those interested in artificial insemination, Cryobaby offers great resources. Additionally, you can find helpful information on pregnancy at this excellent resource.
In summary, parenting a tween girl presents unique challenges and rewards. By being present, establishing boundaries, and showing love, you can navigate this fascinating yet tumultuous stage of life.