Menu | Lifestyle
By: Angela Wright
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015 | Originally Published: April 28, 2014
Did you think your days of dating ended when you found your forever partner? Think again! Here’s what it’s like when you reach third base with your mom friend—prepare yourself, these bases are quite different from the romantic ones.
So, you’ve officially hit third base. Things are about to get real. This level isn’t for those who pretend to have it all together. Even if you can maintain a decent front for a couple of hours, once you’re on third base, your kids will expose the truth before you can say, “Welcome to my home.” At this base, your kids are playing on their turf, meaning they’ll act just as they do at home. Your friend will witness how your little ones truly behave and how you manage—or don’t manage—the chaos. Yikes!
If that doesn’t make your stomach drop, let me share a recent third-base encounter I had. Surprisingly, everyone was behaving decently until—drumroll, please—my friend’s 3-year-old decided to drop a bomb in the upstairs bathroom. And by bomb, I mean a full-on disaster that resulted in an entire roll of toilet paper being used. As she emerged, blissfully unaware of the handwashing rule, I walked into a rapidly rising toilet filled with what can only be described as man-sized floaters. I surveyed the mess and did what any good hostess would do: I calmly walked back out, pretending I had no clue what was going on.
Moments later, I heard my own 3-year-old screaming from the downstairs bathroom. As I entered that hot mess, the toxic stench hit me like a freight train. My daughter had turned her bathroom visit into a Jackson Pollock-style art project, smearing her “work of art” everywhere. In a strained voice, I could only manage a confused, “How?!”
While she washed her hands, I frantically peeled off her poop-smeared clothes and tossed them in the trash. Cleanliness takes priority when your friend is just upstairs, blissfully ignorant. I scrubbed the toilet, the tile, and the grout, then scooped up my little Poopie Monster to shower her off. New outfit, a dozen rounds of hand washing, and I was back on the couch, trying to engage in a conversation with my friend about our typical days. Did I mention she’s visiting from out of town and has no idea what my typical day looks like?
And then, my husband emerged from the now-clogged bathroom, having dealt with the aftermath, while my friend remained none the wiser—until now, if she’s reading this.
After my friend and her crew left, another mom arrived with her gaggle of kids. You might be wondering what kind of mom-dating Casanova I am. What can I say? My charm and the allure of my toilet situation seem to draw them in!
When my next friend asked for the restroom, she returned with a horror story of almost sitting in poop because my second child had left a little surprise on the seat. I’m not sure if it was leftover from the first incident or another adventure in potty training. Either way, embarrassment reached new heights, and I realized it’s impossible to die of embarrassment when you’re already knee-deep in it.
The next day, I discovered that our banister also had a surprise of its own—let’s just say it was not a decorative addition.
And that, my friends, is third base in the world of mom friends. Not every visit is quite this messy, and most moms don’t have children in and out like it’s a coffee shop line, but this is real life. For us, it seems to come with a side of grossness.
For more insights, check out our post on home insemination at Intracervical Insemination. If you’re exploring your options, consider visiting Make a Mom for expert advice. Additionally, American Pregnancy is a fantastic resource for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, third base with your mom friends can be chaotic and messy, but it’s also filled with laughter and genuine connections. The reality may not always be glamorous, but it’s undeniably real.