Remember when Sweet Brown took the internet by storm with her iconic phrase, “Ain’t nobody got time for that”? If you’re like me, that sentiment pops into your head multiple times a day as you navigate the wild world of parenting. So, for a few laughs, here are 30 things that absolutely no mom has time for:
- Washing hands while singing “Happy Birthday” twice. By the time I get through the first verse, my child is already exploring the candy aisle at Target.
- Shopping. Forget leisurely browsing for the perfect outfit. One word: Amazon.com.
- 90-minute Bikram yoga? Hard pass!
- Blow-drying the back of your hair. Seriously, who even looks back there?
- Nail clipping. Unless it results in a bloody scratch, ain’t nobody got time for that.
- Massages. Oh, how I long for one.
- Costco on holidays? No thank you!
- Oil changes. Is that light on? Who has time to check?
- Socks. Getting them on little feet should come with a warning label.
- Speeding tickets. There’s a reason we were in a hurry, okay?
- Trying on clothes. See previous comment about shopping.
- Small talk at school drop-off. Got something important to say? Just say it!
- Getting sick. Moms don’t have the luxury of downtime with illness.
- Lounging on the couch to watch TV. It’s all about multitasking—laundry folding while binge-watching is the new normal.
- Hangovers. Kids don’t care about your last night out. “Milk, Mommy, NOW!”
- Drama. It was fun before kids; now? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
- Anything that claims to be “gourmet” or “made from scratch.”
- Sewing. Let’s be real, that’s why we have dry cleaners.
- Cleaning out the car. What’s the point?
- Organizing photo albums. We’ll take the pics, but doing anything with them? No time!
- Makeup. So we can just remove it later? No thanks.
- Waxing. We’ve all had moments of surprise when spotting a rogue hair.
- Teacher conferences for preschoolers. “He colors well?” Great, now where do I sign him up for Harvard?
- Marathon training. Three-hour runs on weekends? Really?
- Bento boxes. Who has time for all those little compartments?
- Jury duty. There should be a “I’m a mom” checkbox for this.
- Car troubles. It’s like a nightmare come to life.
- Phone issues. Honestly, I’d rather deal with car troubles.
- Boo-boos. When they’re little, we fuss; a few years in, it’s more like, “Here’s a Band-Aid. Go play.”
- Sex. Enough said.
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In summary, parenting is a whirlwind, and there’s just not enough time for everything. Embrace the chaos, and remember: sometimes, less is more!