Updated: June 5, 2020
Originally Published: September 17, 2014
For the first two years of my eldest child’s life, I was a working mom. I placed my little one in daycare when he was just five months old, sending him off with not only a few bags of frozen breast milk but also formula (just in case), diapers, and an extra outfit. My mornings started early—around 7 AM—when I would drop him off, often in tears, and spend the drive to work sobbing. At the end of the day, I would scoop him up around 5:30 or 6 PM, head home, whip up dinner, and dive into the evening’s chaos.
Life was a constant juggle. I hadn’t known my partner, Jake, for long before we had our first child and tied the knot (in that order), and adjusting to life as a couple—and now, as parents—was no easy feat. We had our share of arguments. On top of that, I was navigating the challenges of motherhood, which was far from straightforward. My job was demanding, too, and my boss seemed to have walked straight out of a sitcom.
In those early days, being a Stay-at-Home Mom was a fantasy I often indulged in. I envied those moms who had all the time in the world to cook, clean, engage in intellectually stimulating activities with their children, and reclaim their bodies after childbirth. I would scroll through social media, rolling my eyes at their complaints about how tough it was to be a mom, thinking, “Oh please! You have no idea what hard really is!”
When my second child arrived, I made the decision to leave my job. I was filled with excitement, envisioning all the tasks I would finally accomplish—the laundry! The cleaning! My own creative projects! But the reality of being a stay-at-home parent hit me like a ton of bricks.
I soon realized that my home was likely cleaner when I was working than it ever has been since. Why? Because I had about an hour each morning to myself before the kids woke up. Sure, I could have used that time to clean, but that would be madness! I needed that hour for myself. Instead, I found myself constantly tidying up after two small tornadoes. Eventually, I would throw my hands up and think, “Why even bother?”
And the dishes? Forget it. They never seem to be fully done. Just as I would finish unloading the dishwasher, someone would need a meal, a snack, or just a drink. It feels like there’s always something piling up in the sink.
More than just the mess, I held onto the belief that my life would somehow come together now that I was home. I thought I could finally tackle personal projects, create art, and steer my career in a fabulous new direction. But I quickly learned that I had simply traded one boss for another—this time, two (and later three!) little ones who required me to wipe their bottoms, nurse them, soothe their tears, and play with them endlessly.
At this point, you might expect me to wrap things up with a heartfelt reflection about how being a Stay-at-Home Mom is absolutely worth it, despite the challenges. But I can’t say that with certainty. I honestly question if stepping away from my job was the right choice and if my children are truly better off with me at home full-time rather than when I was working.
However, one thing I know for sure: the dishes are still not done.
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Summary
This article reflects on the challenges and misconceptions surrounding stay-at-home motherhood. The author shares her experience of transitioning from a working mom to being at home full-time, revealing the unexpected difficulties of managing household tasks and parenting. Ultimately, she questions whether this choice has been beneficial for her family and acknowledges the ongoing struggle with daily chores.