At the moment, I find myself without a job, and it’s not due to any shortcomings on my part. Layoffs have their own peculiar sense of humor. The kids are back in school, we’ve adapted to the new schedule, and I suddenly have three days a week with nowhere to go. It’s all good. I write, I declutter the basement, and I whip up a variety of delicious, healthy snacks. (I even sneak in raisins into chocolate chip cookies because, hey, fruit is good for you! Plus, my family won’t touch them, so more healthy treats for me!)
I also spend a fair amount of time on the couch, which I like to call “resting, rejuvenating, and reviving”—also known as watching TV. I’m a bit of a traditionalist and don’t engage much with on-demand content. I enjoy flipping through channels and discovering unexpected gems. This also means I see a lot of commercials. As I mentioned, I’m old school, so I embrace the dreaded commercial break.
It’s the perfect opportunity to grab a snack, use the restroom, and switch the laundry around. One commercial, in particular, completely captivated me. I felt as if I had time-traveled back to 1985, much like in the movie Peggy Sue Got Married. The reason for my disorientation? An ad promoting the “in” fall fashion: stirrup pants.
I distinctly remember stirrup pants from their first wave of popularity back in junior high, when every girl in my class owned at least one pair. The big debate was whether to wear socks inside or outside the pants. Most opted for the outside look, even though it hid the stirrup itself. But it was stylish, and let’s be honest, everyone knew who sported stirrup pants! If you were in the inside-socks camp, you were a tad less fashionable, but it was still cool enough since everyone could see you wore stirrup pants.
Now, I know they’ve likely received a modern makeover to fit today’s trends, but let’s be real: there isn’t much you can do to enhance stirrup pants. They’re like a bra—no matter how you dress it up with lace or color, it’s still just a bra. The options are limited.
Moreover, stirrup pants are incredibly uncomfortable. In the commercial, the model struts around confidently, but I know the reality. The stirrup strap wraps around her foot right at the arch. It’s a thick elastic that barely stretches. With every step, I can imagine her striding less and less as the pants begin to sag lower, necessitating a not-so-glamorous hike back up.
As we all know, the soles of our feet are packed with nerve endings, which is what makes them so ticklish. This is precisely why wearing stirrup straps becomes unbearable after just a few minutes. Those straps incessantly tug at your foot, creating an annoying sensation that never fades. It’s akin to having a sock seam consistently irritating your toe, no matter how you adjust it.
Honestly, I have no desire to revisit this experience at my age. The only elastic I want on my pants is at the waist. Back in junior high, we all eventually grew tired of the discomfort and wore our stirrup pants in a way that let the stirrups dangle awkwardly behind us. It may have looked odd, but it was far more comfortable and, eventually, became the only acceptable way to wear them.
After that brief reign of stirrup pants, they quickly became passé. If you wore them the following year, you were completely uncool, no matter how you styled them. I predict this misguided fashion comeback will have a similar lifespan—not only due to the discomfort but also because none of us can shake the association of “stirrup” with a trip to the doctor’s office. The last thing anyone wants is to tie their wardrobe to memories of paper gowns and instructions to “scoot to the end of the table.”
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Summary
The return of stirrup pants is met with skepticism as they evoke uncomfortable memories from junior high. Despite any modern updates, stirrup pants remain unflattering and impractical. The fleeting nature of this trend suggests it won’t last long, as many associate them with uncomfortable experiences rather than fashion.