I’ve got my fair share of fears—spiders, public speaking, and yes, the surprise pop of biscuit cans (seriously, who doesn’t jump?). But one anxiety that I couldn’t dodge was far more daunting: the possibility of pooping during childbirth.
When I was expecting my first child, I had a million worries buzzing in my mind. Sure, the thought of labor itself was nerve-wracking, especially as a first-timer. I mean, visualizing giving birth can feel like trying to squeeze a giant, fluffy pillow through a tiny sweater neck. But nothing could compare to the dread that struck when I realized I might actually poop on the delivery table.
It all started when I read a line in a pregnancy book stating, “Your doctor may ask you to push as if you’re having a bowel movement.” My heart sank as I pondered, what stops you from actually having a bowel movement? I quickly realized—nothing. The baby, the placenta, and whatever else was in there—everything was on deck for a grand exit. It was a mortifying thought that haunted me: the nightmare of being naked and exposed, but instead of just showing up in my birthday suit, I could also embarrass myself in front of strangers.
In a panic, I called my sister. “What if I poop on the birthing table?” I exclaimed.
“Honestly? It happens,” she reassured me. “But it’s really no big deal.”
No big deal? I could hardly wrap my head around that. The thought of dropping a deuce in front of the medical team and my partner—who I hoped would still find me attractive afterward—felt like the end of the world. I mean, I nearly lost it when a classmate farted during a yoga session!
I imagined the scene playing out in my head: there I was, legs up, my most private areas on full display, surrounded by a crowd of medical professionals (including a student who totally resembled a young Ryan Gosling). And then it would happen—cue embarrassing sound effect—and the room would erupt in shock. Gags, disgusted glances, and maybe even a few suppressed snickers would follow.
Despite my overactive imagination, logic whispered that these were professionals; they’d seen it all. Still, the anxiety lingered.
The Truth About Childbirth
Here’s the truth about childbirth: when the moment arrives, you’re so focused on bringing your baby into the world that those paralyzing fears fade into the background. When it was time to push, my sole focus was on meeting the little one I’d been dreaming of for nine months.
The nurse calmly guided me, “Just push through your bottom.” With the epidural making me feel pleasantly numb from the waist down, I did as instructed. Then, I noticed her skillfully replacing the absorbent pad beneath me. That’s when it hit me: oh no, I must have pooped!
But surprisingly, there was no laughter, no visible disgust. In fact, no one seemed to care at all. My husband later confirmed my suspicions, but honestly, it wasn’t a big deal. We ended up having three more kids, so he clearly wasn’t traumatized!
Final Thoughts
To all the expectant parents out there, fear not! The experience isn’t nearly as dreadful as you might think. You may prefer to avoid a messy delivery, but if it does happen, it’s really not a problem. Medical professionals have seen it all and maintain their cool. So relax, focus on the joy of bringing your baby into the world, and save your worries for the first postpartum poop instead!
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Summary
The fear of pooping during childbirth can be overwhelming for many expectant parents, but the reality is that it’s a common occurrence that the medical staff is prepared for. When the time comes to give birth, the focus shifts to welcoming the new baby, and concerns about embarrassment often fade away. Ultimately, it’s all a part of the journey, so embrace the experience!