When someone asks me how I’m doing, I often reply, “I can’t complain.” Honestly, I have no reason to. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, a loving partner, and healthy kids. My goal is to express gratitude rather than focus on the negatives.
Recently, I’ve noticed that complaining has become a common way to connect with others. We grumble about everything—from the unpredictable weather to the slow cashier, from the long carpool lines to the mountain of laundry that never seems to dwindle. I’m just as guilty as anyone, lamenting about the heat, my struggles with weight (especially my love for carbs and wine), or the exhausting task of shuttling kids from one activity to another, like the impending forty-five-minute rush hour drive to my son’s hockey practice.
While everyone deserves a little pity party now and then, I’ve been making an effort to reduce my complaints. I remind myself of our friend, Sarah.
Remembering Sarah
I met Sarah in seventh grade. She was exceptionally bright, particularly in English and History. Always kind, soft-spoken, funny, and friendly, she went on to attend Trinity College and later became an English teacher at our old school, inspiring middle schoolers with young adult literature. She was a devoted mother of three boys and kept us connected through reunions and alumni events. Tragically, during her third pregnancy, Sarah was diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. Just a couple of years later, she passed away at the young age of 39, leaving her youngest son only two years old.
The last time I saw her was at a birthday party for a mutual friend, where she seemed full of life, engaging with her children, and radiating positivity despite her ongoing battle with cancer. In October, the disease returned aggressively, and by Thanksgiving, she was gone.
Whenever I’m having a rough day and feel inclined to complain, I think of Sarah. Standing at the sink washing dishes, I remind myself that she would give anything to be in my position, scrubbing pots and pans. When my alarm goes off at 6:00 AM on a school day and I’m exhausted, I picture her wishing for the chance to wake her boys. And during those long car rides filled with traffic, I remember how fortunate I am to experience those ordinary moments.
I’m working on being more conscious of my words, aiming to focus on the positives rather than dwelling on the negatives. It’s a challenge to shift the conversation, but it’s a conscious choice I’m committed to making.
Living the Dream
This reminds me of a dad I see at my son’s hockey practice. When I greet him and ask how he’s doing, his reply is always, “Living the dream!” He says it playfully, but he’s onto something profound. We are living a life that Sarah and many others would have cherished. So if you ask me how I’m doing today, hopefully, I’ll respond with, “Living the dream! I really can’t complain.”
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In summary, while it’s easy to fall into the habit of complaining, we can choose to focus on the positives in life. Reflecting on those who face greater challenges helps us appreciate the everyday moments that we often take for granted.