Parenting
By Lisa Jordan
Updated: July 30, 2019
Originally Published: January 29, 2014
Not long ago, there was an alien residing in my house. This creature didn’t boast gigantic, luminescent eyes or multiple limbs. He didn’t shed his skin at night to reveal a glassy exterior, nor did he consume food through an odd nostril.
However, he did have an uncanny ability to switch moods at lightning speed. In mere moments, he could go from fits of laughter to full-blown tantrums, door slamming included. His method of communication was a mix of eye rolls, shoulder shrugs, and an occasional grunt, often punctuated with dismissive phrases like “whatever” and “sure.” Food vanished from his plate as if it were a magic act, devoured at lightning speed.
If you’re sharing your home with one of these beings, you know I’m talking about the teenage boy. More specifically, the one who’s too young to drive but too old to be seen with Mom cruising around town.
“Just drop me off here, Mom. This is fine.” Heaven forbid he should be spotted in a car with his actual mother.
His hormones surged like a roller coaster, transforming him into an alien who struggled to connect with his otherwise normal family. He could easily inhale a box of cookies, two pot pies, and a burrito, guzzling down a quart of milk, only to complain that there was nothing left in the fridge.
His antics included leaving bowls of Jell-O under his bed, evolving into fuzzy science experiments that no one should have to endure. He was the ruler of his bizarre universe, perpetually misunderstood by everyone around him.
As time passed, I came to terms with his alien presence. I watched him grow taller than me, evolving from footie pajamas to trendy jeans. I listened as he transitioned from the Muppets singing cheerful tunes to being enthralled by street-side rappers. I went from bathing his imaginary friends to reminding him to take a shower before school.
It was all fine, truly. Except, during his metamorphosis into manhood, I struggled to hold onto my own identity. The sight of his clothes strewn about, an empty package of my favorite snacks, his innocent shrug, and that infamous eye roll would send me into a frenzy.
I looked in the mirror and saw an alien visage staring back at me. What was happening? I would scream in frustration, ranting without clarity.
Logically, I understood the situation. He had reached the age where my own memories began. I could recall those awkward moments—the stress of a pimple before a big date, late-night phone calls, and the heart-racing feeling when a crush walked by, oblivious to my existence. The self-doubt, the uncertainty, and that relentless drive.
I had once been there, but that knowledge didn’t quite ease my struggles. A simple “Thanks, Mom,” a kiss on the cheek, or an “I love you” would have been a welcome relief.
And surprisingly, it did happen. Just when I least expected it, he would plant a soft kiss on my cheek. But in the blink of an eye, he’d be back to conversing with his imaginary spaceship.
At times, I wished for the aliens to whisk him away. “Let him grow up and come back to me taller, wiser, and with kids of his own.”
Eventually, he did grow up. I wandered into his now-empty room and listened to the remnants of his presence—the beeping of video games, whispers late at night, and the heavy bass reverberating through the walls.
Standing in the center of what had once been his world, I realized how swiftly time had flown. He had moved beyond my memories into new experiences—some familiar, others entirely new.
Now, he’s facing his own challenges as an alien of sorts inhabits his space, devouring his food and acting as though no one understands his life. But you know what? My alien loves that child just as fiercely as I do.
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Summary
The article reflects on the challenges and transformations of parenting a teenage boy, drawing humorous comparisons between adolescence and alien behavior. It highlights the emotional rollercoaster that parents experience while navigating their child’s growth and the bittersweet moments that accompany this phase of life.