Last weekend, as we returned home from a grueling sports tournament in the pouring rain, my kids proposed a thrilling idea: catching a movie. Honestly, the thought of my warm, inviting bed was almost enough to lull me to sleep right there in the car.
Me: “Oh, what a fantastic idea! But wait, I just remembered, they don’t screen movies after 8 PM on Sundays. What a bummer! Maybe tomorrow.”
Yes, I have a knack for quick, creative little fibs. My daughter, Mia, who’s 9, accepted my excuse without question and went back to playing on my phone. Meanwhile, my son, Liam, 12, paused his game and chimed in, “Mom, they have an 8:25 showing.”
Curse you, internet, for ruining my last shred of sanity!
Here’s the reality: moms tell lies. It might be a small fib, but sometimes it’s the difference between getting a peaceful night’s sleep and losing your mind. Mothers have a unique talent for spinning tales, and while it’s a handy survival skill, it loses its charm once kids learn to look things up online.
We have our go-to phrases, but also some wonderfully imaginative stories we tell to avoid meltdowns, disagreements, or simply to enjoy a moment of tranquility. Here are some of the best little lies moms tell to protect their sanity, homes, and wallets. Feel free to borrow any you find useful!
- Drive-thrus don’t hand out ketchup.
- The lunch lady calls me if you don’t eat your sandwich.
- Our cat is allergic to Moon Sand, so it’s not allowed in the house for her safety.
- No Tooth Fairy visit last night? That’s because she only works the 1st Tuesday of the month. I should have mentioned that! She’ll definitely stop by tonight.
- They don’t make replacement batteries for that toy.
- Harry Styles dislikes kids who don’t listen to their parents. Now go brush your teeth and don’t forget to floss!
- Cartoons are off at night because the characters are sleeping.
- The ice cream truck only plays its jingle when they’re all out of ice cream.
- It’s unfortunate, but the movies, arcade, and bowling alley close at 6 PM during the week.
- The restaurant I’m going to with your dad doesn’t permit kids; otherwise, we’d take you. The staff might say some inappropriate things.
- No, this isn’t a brownie — it’s a breakfast bar packed with protein, fiber, and even spinach. Want one?
- Animals love being eaten; it brings them joy to be selected as your meal. Here’s some chicken to make it happy!
- Unicorns do exist, but you’ll only spot one when you’re on your best behavior. Haven’t seen one yet? Well, you need to be even better!
- Babies come from the internet, and that baby brother you wanted is on back-order!
- Chuck E. Cheese’s is reserved only for birthday parties; you need an invitation to go there.
- What do the signs say? Um, no running, no touching, no talking (I’m in trouble when he learns to read!).
- The stuffed animals will miss their friends if we take them out of the store.
- I’m your mom; I would never lie to you!
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In summary, motherhood often requires a touch of creativity and a sprinkle of fibs to maintain sanity amidst the chaos. Embracing the little lies can sometimes be the key to a peaceful home.