A Guide to Identifying Sanctimommies

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Sanctimommy, Noun
A self-satisfied, know-it-all parent who subtly critiques others’ parenting methods through passive-aggressive remarks that highlight the shortcomings of fellow moms and dads.
Synonyms: Self-righteous, Fun Stealer, Pearl Clutching Parent, Pretentious Pedagogue.

Physical Characteristics:

While a Sanctimommy can come in many forms and cannot be identified by their looks alone—since this behavior spans across all demographics—there are some common gestures to watch for:

  1. Raised eyebrows
  2. Pursed lips
  3. Finger pointing
  4. Exaggerated sighs
  5. Tensed posture

Common Environments:

Sanctimommies can often be found in certain typical settings where they share their unsolicited advice and showcase their “perfect” parenting style:

  1. Parks
  2. Playgroups
  3. Grocery stores
  4. Target (both in the parking lot and within the aisles)
  5. Parenting websites (especially humor sites with comment sections)
  6. Facebook
  7. Daycares
  8. Schools (notably during drop-off, pick-up, recitals, or open houses)
  9. Birthday celebrations

Social Interactions:

These individuals thrive in social settings, often taking center stage in conversations and steering discussions to revolve around their experiences. Here are some phrases that might signal the presence of a Sanctimommy:

  1. “You should feel SO GRATEFUL.”
  2. “MY kids have never behaved like that.”
  3. “I didn’t even bother reading that article because it’s just ridiculous.”
  4. “I’ve never faced that situation; it’s nonsensical.”
  5. “Ugh, that’s just silly.”

Trigger Topics:

Certain subjects can provoke a Sanctimommy to interject their parenting philosophies and practices into the mix, including:

  1. Any online parenting discussion.
  2. Conversations about vaccines, organic foods, screen time, or sleep training.
  3. Suggesting that parenting can be tiring.
  4. Hiring a babysitter.
  5. Nostalgia for life before children.
  6. Expressing that you don’t always feel “SO GRATEFUL.”
  7. Mentioning it’s mid-afternoon and wondering if it’s wine o’clock yet.
  8. Maintaining a sense of humor about parenting.
  9. Daring to parent without a well-documented philosophy.
  10. Sharing humorous e-cards about parenthood on social media.

Important Note:

It is advisable to steer clear of Sanctimommies. While not physically threatening, their reactions can be unpredictable when their beliefs are questioned. Signs of agitation may include self-pity, preachiness, excessive use of ALL CAPS, citing celebrities in poorly reasoned arguments, and dismissing the topic at hand as foolish.

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Summary:

This guide highlights the characteristics, behaviors, and environments associated with Sanctimommies—those self-satisfied parents who share their opinions through subtle critiques. By recognizing their tendencies and knowing which topics might provoke their commentary, you can navigate conversations more effectively.