6 Fantasy Summer Camps Every Parent Deserves

Updated: March 10, 2021

Originally Published: May 16, 2014

When I was growing up, summer meant one simple directive from my parents: “Go outside and play.” Fast forward to today, and I realize that if I let my kids run wild, I’d be losing my sanity and productivity in no time. Instead, I spend countless hours crafting detailed schedules and shelling out a small fortune—yes, thousands of dollars—so my little ones can be entertained, educated, and hopefully out of my hair while the heat and humidity drags on.

The choices are endless: from sculpting to swimming, surfing, sailing, science, art, gardening, gymnastics, and even Irish dance. While I want my children to be well-rounded and culturally enriched, I can’t help but think: Where are the summer camps that might actually make my life easier? Sure, I appreciate a macaroni necklace as much as any mom, but let’s get real.

Then it hit me: I’ve devised a concept I’m calling Fantasy Camp, and I’m more than happy to share it with anyone who’s ready to make this dream a reality—just guarantee me two spots.

1. Absolutely, Mom

This week-long camp teaches kids that these two words are the ultimate response you want to hear when you ask them to do something. Any child caught saying “in a minute” or “but I did it last time” will be fined. Given its popularity, be sure to register early!

CAMP NOTES: Healthy snacks provided. Kids who complain will be sent to our sister camp, Quiet and Snack Time.

2. Quiet and Snack Time

By the end of this rigorous week, your child will gain a fresh perspective on the effort that goes into meal prep. They’ll appreciate the grocery list you painstakingly crafted, the endless parking lot circling, and your determination in gathering all those items. Camp motto: “It’s here, it’s hot, and it’s time to eat—so just enjoy it.”

CAMP NOTES: Prior attendance at Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me is recommended.

3. Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me

This engaging camp focuses on the significance of nonverbal communication. An extended session will cover key expressions like hands-on-hips, muttering, door-slamming, and those dramatic sighs.

CAMP NOTES: Campers who don’t show improvement by mid-week may be reassigned to Absolutely, Mom.

4. Bathroom Basics 101

This camp covers essential skills like changing toilet paper rolls, keeping the sink clean, and the proper use of bath mats. It also includes how to floss without turning the mirror into modern art, and of course, flushing the toilet.

CAMP NOTES: Duration is two weeks, and a 10% discount is available for those enrolled in Absolutely, Mom and Don’t You Roll Your Eyes at Me.

5. Pick It Up, Not Just Step Over It

On day one, kids will discover that their belongings don’t magically disappear. This energetic camp focuses on how to deal with the clutter of everyday life—like dirty laundry or wet towels—in a fun and engaging way.

CAMP NOTES: This camp is often seen as a form of punishment, so register quickly when you need a little discipline.

6. Be Kind to Your Sibling

This camp is a mix of bribery and playful threats—think of it as free babysitting!

CAMP NOTES: Good luck with that!

NEW CAMPS ARE ADDED WEEKLY, AND CUSTOM REQUESTS ARE WELCOME! LET US CREATE A CAMP TAILORED JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS!

SPECIAL NOTE: Due to high demand, husbands are also welcome in any of our camps!

In summary, these imaginative camps provide a light-hearted approach to summer struggles while emphasizing skills that benefit both kids and parents alike. If you’re looking for more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent guide on infertility. And if you’re interested in home insemination kits, you can find expert options here.