When I transitioned into the role of a stay-at-home mom, I quickly realized the significance of structuring my week. My perception of time evolved into distinct segments—there were the pre-nap and post-nap periods. That made for 10 time slots each week that needed to be purposefully filled. By Sunday evening, those empty squares on my mental planner would flash urgently, demanding attention. If I left them unoccupied, I’d be itching to escape by Tuesday.
I typically occupied some of these slots with errands, grocery shopping, and occasionally a cooking project that involved the kids. A trip to the library often filled another unit. On particularly challenging days, we’d venture to the pet store just to look at cats. But often, I was left with five or six open chunks of time—hours that could easily spiral into loneliness or boredom.
These empty time slots are precisely why stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) need their mom friends. If you’re like me, far from family, your fellow moms become your primary support network. After having my second child, the moms in my neighborhood organized a two-week casserole delivery service. I found myself emotional in my mesh underwear while enjoying homemade pad Thai on day one. “We should have a third just for the meals,” my partner joked on day 14, sadly soaking up Marsala sauce with bread.
These moms offer support in countless ways, from watching your kids while you recover from foot surgery to sharing links about sales at Nordstrom with free shipping. When my husband faced an emergency, it was these friends who stepped in to care for our kids while I consulted with the doctor. They shared lazy summer afternoons with lemonade and games, and they knew just what to do when my son wanted a personalized superhero cape—they made one for him. They even shared parenting hacks, like the classic “buy two cans of shaving cream and let him go wild in the bathtub for 45 minutes of peace.” Essentially, for families with one parent at home, the SAHM community becomes a second family—a group of supportive moms and honorary siblings.
However, like any community, tensions can arise. Disagreements can emerge over seemingly trivial topics like sleep training methods or how to handle playground conflicts. When one mom feels judged or excluded from an outing, feelings can get hurt. These conflicts often loom large because the world of SAHMs is relatively small and interconnected. The friendships you form are not just casual; they intertwine with your daily life, affecting both you and your children.
Recently, a friend of mine shared her frustrations about a conflict with another mom. Her brother dismissed her feelings as trivial, suggesting she should return to work. This perspective irked both of us, especially since he often relies on her for childcare and support. By belittling her concerns about these relationships, he failed to understand their importance. These connections are essential for emotional well-being, for the well-being of our kids, and the community at large.
This attitude—that the social dynamics of SAHMs are less significant than those of any other group—is all too common and dismissive. For those of us who stay home, these relationships are vital, helping to fill gaps in community support, such as affordable childcare and elder care. Just like any workplace or family, social dynamics can get petty, and struggles for power exist everywhere.
As my children have grown older, I’ve noticed a decline in the number of stay-at-home moms in our community. I’ve returned to work, and the most profound loss I’ve experienced is no longer being an active part of that mom network. Those relationships were meaningful and a substitute for the extended family I lack nearby. In a world where family may be distant, these moms are crucial to building a supportive community.
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