As someone who genuinely enjoys the experience of pregnancy, I find the whole process—from the stretch marks and nausea to the miraculous feeling of a little one moving inside me—absolutely enchanting. The female body’s ability to nurture and develop a complete human being in under a year is nothing short of extraordinary. Feeling those tiny kicks and rolls is a thrill like no other! However, I have no desire to bring another little one home with me; I’ve already experienced that twice and am content with my two wonderful children, who are now old enough to articulate their thoughts.
Instead, I get my pregnancy fix by carrying a baby for someone else. While gestational surrogacy is becoming increasingly prevalent in our society, it remains somewhat enigmatic to those unfamiliar with the concept. I love sharing my journey, but there are definitely some questions that can push a hormonal surrogate’s patience to the limit.
1. How can you give up a baby after carrying it for nine months? That’s just wrong.
This question often reminds me of the fears surrounding a long-time babysitter potentially kidnapping your child. It’s unlikely, right? (If you do worry about that, it might be time to find a new caregiver!) Most reputable agencies require surrogates to have at least one biological child of their own before they can apply. This ensures they understand the challenges of newborns and don’t enter the experience with unrealistic expectations. Yes, surrogates form a bond with the baby, similar to a caring babysitter, but they also understand that the baby isn’t theirs. The moment you see the joy on the intended parents’ faces when they meet their child makes it easy to hand the baby over.
2. But won’t you feel like it’s your baby?
Actually, no. As a gestational carrier, I don’t have a genetic connection to the baby (unless, of course, I’m carrying for a relative). The embryos are created using the intended parents’ or donors’ genetic material and implanted via IVF—not through traditional means of conception. So, when the time comes, I’m simply returning the baby I’ve carried.
3. Isn’t surrogacy just for wealthy women and celebrities who want to avoid gaining weight?
If such individuals exist, they are certainly not the majority. Most people who turn to surrogacy are everyday individuals who face various challenges in starting a family. This includes gay couples, single parents, those with unexplained infertility, and even women who have faced life-threatening complications during childbirth. The common goal among them is to expand their families, just like anyone else.
4. How much are you getting paid? You must be cashing in!
Would you feel comfortable sharing your salary or political views with a stranger? It’s generally an intrusive question. The reality is that most gestational surrogates don’t enter this path for financial gain. While medical expenses are covered by the intended parents and surrogates may receive some form of compensation, it’s hardly enough to account for the myriad challenges involved in pregnancy—from morning sickness to the emotional and physical toll of giving birth.
5. Why don’t they just adopt?
Ironically, this question often comes from people who already have biological children. So, why didn’t they consider adoption? The truth is, adoption can be a lengthy and heartbreaking process. Additionally, some parents desire to see a part of their own lineage continue, hoping their child might inherit a grandparent’s smile or a parent’s eyes. A gestational surrogate helps make that dream a reality.
Surrogacy is undoubtedly a journey filled with highs and lows. When the baby is finally cradled in the arms of their parents, tears of joy are inevitable. Not because we want to keep the child, but because we are celebrating the miracle we helped bring into the world. We may shed a few tears as we reflect on this beautiful, wild experience, but deep down, we know that once the postpartum hormones settle, we might just be ready to embark on this adventure again.
For more insights into the journey of pregnancy or to explore your options in family planning, check out this excellent resource. If you’re considering home insemination, you can find valuable information on this blog or explore this authority on the topic for further guidance.