Before I became a parent, “mommy guilt” was just a catchy phrase that elicited an eye roll from me. However, after having my little ones, it transformed into an overwhelming sensation that could easily consume me if I let it.
In the past, I would occasionally feel bad about something. But now, guilt seems to follow me everywhere:
- I didn’t spend enough time playing with my kids.
- I didn’t tidy up the house because I was too busy playing.
- I cleaned the house, but now I won’t let the kids play because they’ll make a mess.
- I didn’t take them outside to enjoy the lovely weather.
- I took them outside, and they ended up with bug bites.
- I read more with my oldest than I do with the younger ones.
- I’m not strict enough; wait, maybe I’m too strict.
- I let them have candy, but sometimes I don’t.
- I hide candy so I can indulge without them knowing.
- I never plan educational activities for them—let’s be real, I hardly ever do.
- I didn’t breastfeed long enough.
- My diet during pregnancy might have caused my middle child’s food allergies.
- They watch too much TV, and sometimes I use it as a babysitter.
- I went shopping without them, even when they cried to come along.
- I should be grateful all the time because I get to stay home with them, while other moms would love to be in my shoes.
- I lose my temper too often.
It seems like anything can trigger that nagging sense of guilt. Many people advise to just get rid of mommy guilt, claiming it’s neither helpful nor productive. However, I’ve realized that completely eliminating it is nearly impossible. So, I’ve chosen to embrace it instead.
To me, the presence of mommy guilt means one of two things:
- I’ve achieved perfection (which I know isn’t true!)
- I’ve stopped caring (and I hope that never becomes the case!)
Embracing this guilt allows me to recognize two important truths:
Accepting My Imperfections
First, it helps me accept my imperfections. I strive to be the best mom I can be, but I know I’m not perfect. Acknowledging that frees me to focus on the essential task of loving my children as an imperfect mom. It teaches them early on that perfection doesn’t exist, not even in themselves. It also shows them how to make amends when our mistakes lead to hurt feelings, which is an inevitable part of life.
Recognizing My Care
Second, it reminds me that I genuinely care. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t feel guilty about anything. The fact that I feel this way confirms that I want to do right by my kids, and that realization brings me comfort.
So, the next time mommy guilt sneaks up on me, I’ll confront it head-on. I’ll give it a hug, thank it for reminding me of my love for my children, and commit to addressing at least one thing I’ve felt guilty about. After that, I’ll tell it to take a hike—knowing full well it will be back again soon enough.
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In summary, embracing mommy guilt allows me to accept my imperfections and reaffirm my commitment to my children. It’s a reminder that I care deeply about being the best parent I can be, even when I stumble along the way.