There are some who assert that their intimacy didn’t shift a bit after welcoming children, with others claiming they became more active once their little ones arrived. Honestly, I find that hard to believe.
Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy a good romp as much as anyone else. But I struggle to picture how anyone’s intimate life would remain unaltered or even flourish post-children. Unless, of course, your pre-kid intimacy was already quite scarce. If that’s the case, I truly empathize. Conversely, if your pre-parenthood intimacy was limited, perhaps you don’t feel as jaded about the drop in “relations” that often comes with parenting. Maybe the trick is to start with low expectations so you can always feel like you’re winning (if you get my drift).
Now, let’s put aside any judgment and dive into the heart of the matter: having kids often puts a damper on your intimate life.
While I’m no relationship guru, I’ve noticed five distinct stages couples often navigate in their intimate lives:
- The Exciting Dating Phase. Ah, those delightful days! Remember the thrill of seeing each other? It was all about chemistry, and I spent the early months of my relationship with my partner in that blissful state of JBF hair—just been… you know what I mean!
- Cohabitation. This stage kicks off with a rush of excitement. After all those romantic dates that typically ended in intimacy, it’s natural to assume that living together means daily adventures in the bedroom. Haha, not quite!
- The Decision to Start a Family. Also referred to as the “we’re trying” phase, this period is magical. As soon as you toss out the birth control, it feels like you’ve been transported back to those dating days—at least for a little while. But if it takes longer to conceive, intimacy can start to feel a bit like a science experiment.
- The Pregnancy Journey. Entering this phase is euphoric, until morning sickness hits. Nothing quite kills the mood like hearing your partner run to the bathroom several times a day. Thankfully, many start to feel better by the second trimester, but many men find the growing baby bump a bit intimidating when it comes to intimacy.
- The Post-Child Phase. Once you reach this stage, your intimate life transforms completely. Scheduling intimacy around nap times and ensuring you don’t wake the baby can feel like a military operation. Just the slightest sound from the baby can turn a romantic moment into an awkward ordeal.
There may well be more than five phases in this journey of love, but my partner and I haven’t yet ventured into those uncharted waters. I suspect that, once our child starts school in a couple of years, things might come full circle, and we may find ourselves sneaking in some afternoon delight again.
If I’m mistaken in this assumption, do me a favor and keep that little nugget to yourself!
For more insights on family planning and intimacy, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination at Healthline. And if you’re interested in boosting fertility, Make A Mom offers valuable information on enhancing your chances of conception. You might also want to explore our other blog post on home insemination for additional tips and support.
Summary
Parenthood undoubtedly alters the intimate dynamics between partners. The journey typically progresses through five stages, from the exhilarating dating days to the complexities of parenting, which often requires adjustments in how intimacy is approached. While every couple’s experience is unique, understanding these phases can help navigate the changes that come with raising children.