For the first two years of my eldest child’s life, I was a working mom. At just five months old, my son began daycare, accompanied by bags filled with frozen breast milk, formula (just in case), diapers, and a change of clothes. My mornings began at 7 am, dropping him off amid tears, which I carried with me all the way to my office. By the time I returned around 5:30 or 6 pm, I was exhausted—cooking dinner, feeding him, and attempting to manage the evening chaos.
Life was challenging. My husband and I were still navigating the early days of our relationship when we found out we were expecting, and adjusting to life together was no small feat. We had our share of arguments. On top of that, I was learning the ropes of motherhood, which was a daunting task. To add to the mix, my job was demanding, with a boss who seemed straight out of a sitcom.
I often fantasized about the lives of Stay-at-Home Moms, feeling a pang of jealousy as I imagined their days filled with cooking, cleaning, and engaging in stimulating activities with their children. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at their complaints on social media—“Oh, Junior didn’t want to play at the park,” or “Being a mom is so tough.” I thought to myself, “You have no clue what real hard work is!”
When my second child arrived, I decided to leave my job behind, excited about the prospect of finally catching up on chores—cleaning the house, tackling projects of my own, and finding a new sense of purpose. But the truth of stay-at-home life hit me hard. I soon realized my home was often messier than it had been when I worked. I only had about an hour each morning before the kids woke up, and while I could use that time to clean, I chose to prioritize my own sanity instead. As a result, I spent my days cleaning up after tiny tornadoes, eventually surrendering to the chaos.
As for the dishes? They never truly felt done. Just when I unloaded the dishwasher, someone would need a snack or a drink, and the cycle began anew. It felt endless.
I also held onto the belief that staying home would allow me to focus on my personal projects, finish paintings, and redirect my career. What I didn’t realize was that I had simply traded one set of demands for another—my boss in the office for two (and eventually three!) little ones who required constant attention, from changing diapers to soothing their tears and playing with them throughout the day.
You might expect me to wrap this up with a heartfelt conclusion about how being a Stay-at-Home Mom is incredibly rewarding, despite the challenges. But the truth is, I’m still uncertain if quitting my job was the right choice, or if my children are truly better off with me at home.
What I do know for sure is that the dishes are still piling up.
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Summary
The experience of being a Stay-at-Home Mom can often differ drastically from expectations. While it may seem idyllic from the outside, the reality includes managing constant demands, messiness, and self-doubt. The journey is complex, leaving some to question if their decision to stay home was the right one.