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Dear Parent of the Child Who Hesitates to Join In
I noticed you the other day.
Feeling frustrated. Grinding your teeth. Encouraging. Bargaining. Even dragging a little. Before your child arrived, you probably imagined your son hitting home runs or your daughter shining on stage at dance recitals. Yet here you are, at your breaking point, with a little one who is so terrified they are practically glued to you.
You’ve tried everything to persuade your child to let go of your leg and give it a shot. But they won’t budge. You glance around at the other kids who are happily getting involved and wonder, what’s wrong with your child? Why on earth won’t they just try?
Your mind starts racing with worry. You picture your child sitting on the sidelines during every basketball game in high school or being the last one picked for kickball. You spiral into thoughts that if they don’t swim now, they might never be good at it! What did I do wrong? They will always lag behind their peers! They have to take part! NOW!
I mean, they’re already… FOUR!!!
The more your child resists, the more anxious and irritated you feel. What’s wrong with you? Could you please just give it a go? This once “fun” activity has turned into a source of torment for both of you.
Trust me, I get it. I’ve been in your shoes. When my son, Max, was three, I signed him up for a toddler basketball program at the local Y. I thought it would be the perfect start to his athletic journey. The instructor was young and cool—perfect for Max. Unfortunately, he didn’t see it that way.
While the other kids eagerly rushed to the instructor, Max rushed right to me. For eight long weeks, he didn’t participate at all. I lost sleep over it, worried that my three-year-old was missing out on crucial experiences. I should have focused on how I was making him suffer, not how I thought I was failing him. He simply wasn’t ready.
Instead of listening to my child, I let my inner worrywart take control. Basketball felt too intimidating for him, so I thought, why not put him on a big sheet of ice with sharp blades on his feet? That’s less scary, right? So, I signed him up for ice skating lessons, thinking if he was going to be a great hockey player, he’d need to learn to skate.
I have no clue why I thought this was a good idea. I dislike the cold and had never even been to an ice hockey game. Not surprisingly, he was terrified. He clung to my arm as if it were a life raft while I dragged him to the rink. I pushed him onto the ice, despite his cries and pleas. I was determined my frightened four-year-old would learn to skate. His future hockey career depended on it!
Each week, I let him recover from the trauma before bringing up skating lessons again. I tried bribing him with candy, superhero costumes, and all sorts of nonsense. Nothing worked. No matter how hard I pushed, he simply wasn’t ready. He never participated in those ice skating lessons either.
Watching you the other day brought all of this back to me. I want you to know that it will happen. Your child will get there eventually. How do I know? The anxious three-year-old I tried to force onto the court and ice is now nine years old, thriving in sports! He’s a top player on his baseball team, a confident swimmer, and a skilled basketball player with a great free throw. Just the other week, he said, “Hey Mom, can I take skating lessons sometime?”
So don’t stress too much. I know it’s tough to have patience, and it’s easy to worry. But one day, your child will be ready. It could be in five minutes or maybe in five years. Either way, take a deep breath. Your child won’t miss out. When they are ready, they will let you know.
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Summary
Every child moves at their own pace. It’s normal for kids to resist participating in activities. As a parent, it is important to be patient, as your child will eventually be ready to engage. Remember, it’s okay to step back and allow them to find their own comfort zone.