How to Triumph Over “My Most Annoying Facebook Friend”

1. If you’ve ever proclaimed that chemtrails are government chemicals designed to control our minds—contrary to the scientific consensus that these are simply contrails—you’re not eligible for this contest. Similarly, if you’ve shared articles from sources like naturalnews.com, The Washington Times, or infowars.com, you also cannot participate. This is to ensure that genuine annoyance isn’t overshadowed by outright insanity. As the wise poet Rumi once said, “The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.”
2. Posting a quote from Rumi as your status update disqualifies you from this contest. This rule is purely for practicality, as we need to limit entries to less than a billion—this feels like the most straightforward method.
3. If you’ve claimed that vaccinations are linked to autism or shared so-called evidence, you’re out. Refer back to Rule 1. However, if you’ve merely suggested that those who believe vaccinations cause autism should be allowed to “speak their truth,” you’re in the clear!
4. If you’ve expressed gratitude about your mother’s cancer being in remission or have narrowly avoided a car crash, you can enter, but don’t expect to be a frontrunner—your gratitude might be too genuine. However, if you’ve expressed thankfulness for “yummy snacks” or that your mother’s cancer returned as a chance to work on your “issues with impermanence,” then you are definitely in the running. Extra points if you use the hashtag #grateful with a photo of a field of lupins posted before this contest was announced!
5. If you’ve changed your name on Facebook, please provide any previous names you’ve used to help us track your posting history accurately. For example, if you previously went by “Captain Whiskers,” write it out instead of creating a whimsical illustration of a whiskered pirate. If your name has changed more than 14 times in two years or more than seven times in four years, send us a printout of your Facebook updates. Please organize them by name, as there may be a special prize for the most creatively annoying name changes.

self insemination kit

One last note: Feel free to enter if you’re “just taking a break from Facebook,” especially if your last status update was about being more present for your loved ones. On the flip side, if you’ve taken that Buzzfeed quiz “Which Game of Thrones Character Are You?” please refrain from entering, as we might need that for a tiebreaker.

This article was first published on November 16, 2014.

If you’re interested in more engaging content, check out our other blog posts or learn more about home insemination methods and kits at this link. For excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination, you can also visit this resource.

Summary

This playful guide outlines the quirky rules for entering a contest about the most annoying Facebook friends. It humorously addresses various social media behaviors that disqualify participants, encourages self-awareness, and invites readers to engage in light-hearted reflection on their online presence.