I’m terrified of spiders. I dread the thought of public speaking. And don’t even get me started on opening jars. (Seriously, if that pop doesn’t make your heart race, you must be made of stone.) But those are fears I can usually sidestep.
However, there was one anxiety that loomed larger than any spider or public speech—one that I couldn’t escape from. Or more accurately, the one fear that made me cringe was related to my body’s functions during childbirth.
When I was expecting my first child, my biggest worry became one that many others might share: the possibility of pooping while giving birth. Sure, I had concerns about how labor would affect my body, especially since it was my first go-round. Just thinking about the logistics was enough to send my imagination spinning, picturing something akin to pushing an overly stuffed pillow through a tiny sweater neck.
But oh, how naive I was to think that was the worst of it! The sheer panic set in when I grasped the reality that, during delivery, I might actually soil myself on the birthing table. The moment I stumbled upon a phrase in a pregnancy guide that advised, “Push as if you’re having a bowel movement,” was a game changer. My immediate thought was: what’s stopping that from actually happening?
Then it hit me—absolutely nothing! Whatever was inside me—baby, placenta, or last night’s pizza—would be making its way out. Until that point, I had blissfully ignored this possibility, but now it consumed my thoughts. It was like one of those dreams where you find yourself undressed in public, but then it escalated to a whole new level of embarrassment.
In a moment of desperation, I called my sister. “What if I poop on the birthing table?” I exclaimed.
“Well, it happens,” she reassured me. “Sometimes it’s unavoidable. But you know what? It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Not that big of a deal? I couldn’t fathom how pooping in front of a roomful of strangers—including my husband, whom I hoped would still find me attractive afterward—could possibly be anything but catastrophic. I trusted the medical team to handle any complications during delivery, but the thought of them witnessing my moment of bodily betrayal was beyond me. After all, I nearly lost it when someone let out a little gas at my yoga class!
I envisioned the scene over and over: there I would be, knees drawn to my chest, fully exposed and under bright lights, surrounded by medical staff (including a student who looked like the dreamy Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles). Suddenly, cue embarrassing noises—everyone gasps, looks horrified, and may even snicker.
Despite my logical brain telling me that doctors see this all the time, my nerves wouldn’t settle. The professionals could be unfazed, but me? I was far from ready to make a mess in front of them.
However, here’s a little secret about childbirth: when the moment arrives, you’re so focused, so immersed in the experience, that even your worst fears take a backseat. As I began to push, all I could think about was meeting the little one I had been dreaming of for months.
“Just push down,” the nurse instructed. Thanks to the epidural, I felt pleasantly numb from the waist down, so I followed her guidance. That’s when I noticed her discreetly cleaning up beneath me, and suddenly, the realization struck: oh no, I must have pooped.
My worst nightmare had materialized—but here’s the kicker: there was no laughter, no disgusted faces, and no Jake Ryan doppelgangers. In fact, nobody even flinched. I wasn’t entirely sure I had actually pooped until my husband confirmed it—with a surprising lack of horror.
So, to all future birthing parents out there: take a deep breath. It’s not as bad as you may fear! While you might prefer not to share the spotlight with a surprise bowel movement, it truly doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Medical professionals are accustomed to it, and they maintain their cool no matter what.
You’re about to usher in a new life—don’t let the thought of pooping distract you from the miracle of childbirth. And as for postpartum challenges? Well, that’s a whole other story!
For more insights on navigating pregnancy, check out this excellent resource on what to expect during your first IUI here. And if you’re considering an at-home option, this article provides great information on insemination kits!
Summary
Childbirth can bring up many fears, including the anxiety of pooping during delivery. However, it’s a common occurrence, and medical professionals handle it with professionalism. Focus on the joy of welcoming your baby, and don’t let the fear of bodily functions overshadow the experience.