You may recall from your English classes that “poetic justice” refers to a fitting consequence for one’s actions. In Dante’s depiction of the Ninth Circle of Hell, those who create divisions are punished by being torn apart. Similarly, a wrongdoer may set a trap for others, only to find themselves ensnared.
The concept of poetic justice extends to our habits, particularly the bad ones. The reward for a positive habit is simply the act of doing it itself. As the philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson noted, “The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.”
However, the irony surrounding bad habits is even more pronounced. A friend once shared, “I feel overwhelmed by my bad habits, yet they are the very thing causing my anxiety.” For instance, a survey revealed that some women, feeling stressed about their finances, engage in “retail therapy”—shopping as a way to cope with anxiety. Gamblers, similarly, distract themselves with gambling when money worries arise. And procrastinators often find that their anxiety about unfinished tasks leads them to avoid the work altogether. One commenter on my blog expressed this cycle perfectly: “I’m anxious because I’m not accomplishing anything, so I treat myself to a massage. But then I never get anything done because I’m busy getting that massage.”
Interestingly, research suggests that those who experience less guilt and show themselves compassion in times of failure are more equipped to regain self-control. In his memoir Beyond the Scale, Tom Blake recounts the day he vowed to his ailing father to lose weight, only to later eat two grilled cheese sandwiches out of frustration over his promise.
Contrary to common belief, intense feelings of guilt or shame don’t motivate good habits; rather, they can lead to a cycle of indulgence in the very habits that cause distress. This is where the poetic irony truly lies. Those who practice self-compassion and reduce guilt are often more capable of resisting the temptations associated with bad habits.
Instead of viewing our setbacks as indicators of weakness or laziness, we can perceive them as part of the journey toward building better habits. Phrases like “It’s okay,” “Everyone has moments like this,” or “I’ll do better next time” can help us learn from our missteps. This kind of positive self-talk is far more effective than self-criticism.
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In summary, the irony of our habits—both good and bad—reminds us that the journey of self-improvement is a process filled with both successes and setbacks. Embracing this perspective can lead to healthier choices and greater happiness.