By: Laura Greene
Updated: May 14, 2017
Originally Published: Jan. 9, 2015
It was my junior year in college, and I lived with 16 other rowers in a converted sorority house. The rowing season had wrapped up, and we decided to celebrate with a large party, complete with plenty of drinks. I indulged a bit too much in a concoction called Purple Passion, and soon enough, the room began to spin around me.
I found myself leaning against the door with a friend named Ryan, who was sweetly informed by my teammate, Sarah, to ensure I made it to my room safely. Once there, I collapsed into bed, and he gently covered me with a blanket, opting to sleep on the floor nearby instead of taking advantage of my vulnerable state. The next morning, I awoke with a throbbing headache, grateful to find Ryan had stayed to check on me.
Then there was Eric, who I’d met through my roommate. He had a charming smile but was built like a linebacker with a not-so-charming beer belly. I remember going to a fraternity party where he was trying to pledge. He offered me a tour of the house, and I naively followed him upstairs. The atmosphere shifted as he guided me into a dimly lit room. Suddenly, I was pushed onto a bed while he attempted to unbutton my shirt. I fought back, managing to escape downstairs and out of the house, heart pounding.
Then there was Tom, the senior on the football team. We chatted at a local bar, and he offered me a ride back to campus. Inviting him up to my dorm seemed innocent enough, but as we talked, it became clear he had other intentions. After a brief conversation, he left, realizing that I wasn’t interested.
Lastly, I’ll refer to him as Adam. He was dating a friend and reached out to me for advice, pretending to need help. I went over, and soon he offered me a soda and then a backrub under the guise of helping me unwind. Before I knew it, I was pinned down, pleading for him to stop. He didn’t listen.
Now, as a mother to a young boy, I focus on teaching him a vital four-letter word: STOP. Whenever we’re playing, if he says “stop,” I immediately respect his wishes. This is crucial for him to understand, as I hope it will instill in him a sense of boundaries and respect for others, especially women. He knows his body is his own, and he must respect others as well. I am determined to raise a boy who embodies kindness, not one who behaves like Adam.
I reject the notion of “boys will be boys.” Instead, I believe boys should be taught to be compassionate, gentle, and helpful. We should not excuse their behavior based on outdated stereotypes. If we set high expectations, they will rise to meet them.
Aside from teaching him about personal boundaries, I want my son to understand that respect is universal—regardless of a person’s background, beliefs, or style. He will learn that kindness, patience, and love are essential values, and I hope these lessons will stick with him throughout his life.
The problem with the “boys will be boys” mentality is that it allows for unacceptable behavior to go unchecked. We all must take responsibility for our actions, and that includes boys as they grow into men.
I also want to instill other significant four-letter words in him, including:
- Boys can be Kind.
- Boys can show Love.
- Boys can inspire Hope.
- Boys can Help.
If he picks up other words along the way, they won’t hold a candle to the importance of these foundational teachings.
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In conclusion, as a mother, I feel it is my duty to guide my son toward becoming a man who respects himself and others, understanding the value of consent and kindness.