When I went through my first miscarriage, my phone buzzed incessantly with messages of sympathy and support. While I appreciated the love from friends and family, I felt incredibly isolated. What I truly needed was to express my anger and sorrow. I wanted someone to listen without trying to fix things. Unfortunately, I received a mix of unsolicited advice and shared experiences, which often missed the mark.
Through this process, I learned that there are certain phrases that can hurt more than help when comforting a friend who has lost a baby. Here are some things to avoid saying, along with better alternatives to offer your support.
What Not to Say
DON’T SAY: “I know how you feel.” While you may have had a similar experience, it’s important to remember that each person’s grief is unique. It can come across as dismissive.
SAY THIS: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” This opens the door for them to share their feelings without making comparisons.
DON’T SAY: “Time heals all wounds.” While it might be true, it can feel dismissive to someone in the thick of their grief. You can’t guarantee how long healing will take.
SAY THIS: “I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk.” This shows that you’re available to support them through their journey, no matter how long it takes.
DON’T SAY: “At least you know you can get pregnant.” This can feel like a trivialization of their loss.
SAY THIS: “I’m so sorry for your loss.” It’s simple and acknowledges the pain they’re experiencing without trying to put a silver lining on it.
DON’T SAY: “You can always try again.” This might come off as insensitive when they’re still processing their current loss.
SAY THIS: “I’m here for you, no matter what.” Focus on the present moment and the emotions they’re feeling right now, rather than the future.
Miscarriage affects women differently, so the best approach is to listen first and be empathetic. If you do feel compelled to share your own story, ensure it feels supportive rather than overshadowing their grief. For further insights on navigating these delicate conversations, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com.
If you’re interested in boosting fertility, Make A Mom offers valuable resources. Also, if you want to delve deeper into the IVF process, Parents provides excellent guidance.
In summary, supporting a friend through miscarriage requires sensitivity and understanding. It’s best to listen, validate their feelings, and offer your presence without trying to fix the situation. By being mindful of what you say, you can be a source of comfort during a profoundly painful time.