Parenting
My son recently pointed out that if a song had the same lyrics but focused on boys, it would likely be labeled as sexist. I had to admit, “You’re absolutely right.” Thus began our debate. He struggles to grasp why songs celebrating girl power are considered acceptable. Ultimately, I think he’s grappling with the concept of girl power itself; he’s genuinely offended.
This is a kid who has attended protests at the Texas Capitol and frequently engages in discussions about women’s rights with me. He even racked up detentions last school year for expressing his views on significant issues in classrooms where such conversations were not welcomed. He stayed up late with me watching political debates, yet he feels that girl power is somewhat ridiculous. It frustrates him, and he perceives it as unfair. He doesn’t fully understand Title IX or its significance. I realize he’s only 12, but I can’t shake the feeling that my Progressive Parent Card might be revoked.
I’ve tried explaining concepts like glass ceilings, the struggle for equality, and the various waves of feminism, but he just isn’t buying it. He sees his friends attending all-girls schools and feels excluded from girls-only book clubs. When there was a mix-up at his school regarding lacrosse teams, he was furious for weeks, believing that girls were being given preferential treatment while boys were left to fend for themselves. I’ve attempted to clarify that life is challenging for everyone, and while some progress has been made, the world still predominantly favors men. It’s perfectly fine for girls to push back so they can have an equal shot at success.
I’ve been trying to convey that it’s not so much that girls receive unfair treatment (though they often do), but that they experience a different kind of unfairness. Frequently, these biases are not intentional but rather ingrained in societal norms. Creating spaces for women is not anti-male; it’s about empowering them so they can withstand the challenges they will inevitably face. It’s all about leveling the playing field.
However, he doesn’t see it that way. As a white, middle-class boy, he’s growing up feeling undervalued when his mom and sister belt out Beyoncé lyrics in the car.
This leaves me questioning whether his feelings stem from a belief that boys and girls are already equal. Is his confusion about girl power a result of him thinking that equal rights and opportunities are a given? When I present my arguments, am I unwittingly teaching him that women are second-class citizens?
Naturally, I don’t want him to believe that women truly are inferior, and that’s why artists like Beyoncé and Sara Bareilles create their empowering songs. (And don’t even get me started on the tricky discussions I have with my 8-year-old daughter about the lyrics in these songs versus the ideals of mainstream beauty—yikes.) But if my son simply accepts the status quo, he might miss the underlying social norms that shape women’s experiences, both overtly and subtly. I feel stuck, as if every effort I make could backfire.
What’s a mom to do? I certainly don’t want to raise a version of Alex P. Keaton who dismisses the feminist movement. I don’t want to undermine the hard-fought progress made by women’s rights advocates. I also don’t want to downplay the persistent and, frankly, worsening anti-woman sentiments out there. Most importantly, I aim for my son to grow into a man who respects and understands women, rather than resenting them for perceived advantages. I want him to recognize that he is part of a generation capable of enacting change, but that change won’t happen if he harbors resentment towards Beyoncé and girls-only initiatives.
I openly acknowledge to him that life isn’t fair for anyone. But how do I help him understand that even within unfairness, there are layers of inequality?
Being a mom is tough, y’all. And navigating this world is even tougher for kids—or maybe just for mine. Sigh.
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Summary:
Navigating gender roles and societal norms can be challenging for parents and children alike. The author reflects on her son’s confusion regarding girl power and the perceptions of fairness, questioning whether her attempts to teach him about feminism might inadvertently lead him to believe in gender inequality. Ultimately, she seeks to ensure he grows into a respectful and understanding individual, capable of recognizing the ongoing struggle for women’s rights.