When your closest friend also happens to be a parent, it creates a unique bond between you two. The transition into motherhood is monumental, and having a friend who can relate to your struggles is invaluable. Instead of reaching out for late-night relationship advice, you’re messaging them about yet another sleepless night, feeling as if you’ve only had five minutes of rest, while dealing with the discomfort of full, leaking breasts. They show up regardless of how long it’s been since your last shower, ready to help you reclaim a bit of your former self. If your children are of similar ages, navigating the challenges together can be particularly comforting.
But what happens when your best friend—who has witnessed your most vulnerable moments—starts to pass judgment on your parenting choices? Can you brush it off, or does it threaten the foundation of your friendship?
Every parent has their own style, but the issue often lies in the way those differences are expressed. A seemingly innocuous comment like, “Oh, you’re using a wrap carrier? Seems a bit pricey for just a piece of fabric,” can hit hard, especially when it comes from someone you expect to be your biggest supporter. When your parenting philosophies differ significantly, these critical remarks can feel deeply personal, touching on your identity rather than just your choices.
Motherhood is undeniably challenging, particularly in the early stages. You’re already navigating a whirlwind of emotions and are prone to comparing yourself to other mothers. Each decision you make leaves you second-guessing, and in the age of social media, it’s increasingly difficult to escape the cycle of self-doubt. Naturally, your first instinct is to seek solace from your best friend, someone who knows you intimately and can help you through your emotional highs and lows.
When they offer anything less than encouragement, it can feel like a significant blow to your self-esteem. Comments from strangers—like Trish from the Facebook mom group—can be disregarded, but criticism from your best friend carries more weight. No one wants to feel inadequate as a parent, making it even more painful to hear dismissive remarks from someone you trust. Even the most casual comment, like, “Oh, you’re still doing that? I just couldn’t,” can linger in your mind, making you doubt your choices.
Their observations can penetrate your thoughts far more than remarks from acquaintances. After all, your best friend understands what matters to you, whether that’s breastfeeding, sleep routines, or your child’s attire. Often, the judgment stems not from malice but from a lack of understanding. For instance, your friend might say, “How did you let them get so accustomed to that? My child just adapts,” implying that your situation is less than ideal. While their approach works for their child, it may not be applicable to yours due to the uniqueness of every child.
As mothers, we can be particularly sensitive, making it hard to voice our feelings. You don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings or over-exaggerate the situation. This can lead to distancing yourself to avoid judgment, which might feel easier given our busy lives. Taking a step back can provide clarity and help you decide if it’s worth addressing the issue. If their comments truly upset you and you believe they can be open to feedback, consider having an honest conversation about how their words affect you.
Friendships often evolve once we become mothers. While your best friend may remain important, you might find yourself leaning on new mom friends who resonate more closely with your experiences. This is entirely normal; there’s no single way to be a mother, just as there’s no one right way to maintain a friendship.
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In summary, it’s particularly painful when your closest friend critiques your parenting, as their opinions carry more weight than those of strangers. While the differences in parenting styles can spark judgment, it’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly to preserve your friendship. As motherhood changes relationships, finding new connections with fellow mothers can also provide support on your journey.