Motherhood: A Journey of 1,000 Small Goodbyes

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I never imagined I would be the mom who mourns each fleeting stage of childhood. The one who gets all teary-eyed at every milestone, or who becomes a hot mess at preschool graduations. Nope, that’s not me.

But no one prepared me for these tiny heartaches that come with motherhood.

On a bright sunny day in Hilton Head, South Carolina, my family and I ventured to the beach, pulling along little Max in his colorful wagon. We looked like a perfect postcard—Instagram-worthy, really.

As we arrived, I unfastened Max from his seat and lifted him out. But in that idyllic moment, my little boy wrenched his arms away from me and leaned back, exclaiming, “No!”

Caught off guard, I attempted to lift him again. “No!” he protested, wriggling free. “Get down!”

I set him on the sand, extending my finger for him to hold. Maybe he just didn’t want to be picked up?

“No, Mama!” he insisted, turning to his dad. He reached for my husband’s hand and waved back at me with a cheerful, “Bye-bye.”

In that sweet moment, Max wanted to be with his dad instead of me. Yet, why did my heart feel heavy?

It was reminiscent of past heartbreaks—the feeling of being pushed away. This was my first experience with my child intentionally seeking distance from me.

Hello, tiny breakup.

I waved my boys off and sat down on a towel, pretending to read a magazine. I adjusted my sunglasses, trying to hide the tears welling up.

Remember, I’m not that mom.

As my husband and son splashed in the waves, gathering shells and enjoying the sandy breeze, my mind drifted. I glimpsed into the future and saw the many little goodbyes that lay ahead:

• Max shooing me away at the bus stop, “Mom, I can handle this myself.”
• Him choosing mismatched socks and a superhero t-shirt, declaring, “I don’t need your help anymore.”
• I envisioned a teenage Max in the car after a game saying, “Mom, could you please not cheer so loud? It embarrasses me.”

And then came the milestones: first cars, first dates, high school graduations, and eventually a college sticker on a trunk packed with essentials. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be home by Christmas,” he’d say, and I could almost see that little wave goodbye again.

Now I understand that parenting is about nurturing someone only to ultimately let them go. Perhaps it’s a small mercy that this happens gradually because I’m not sure my heart could bear it all at once.

As a mother, my greatest wish is for my children to find joy and flourish in life. I want them to grow in self-assurance towards independence, but that process can be bittersweet.

Max will never need me as much as he did on that first day. With each day that passes, if I’m doing my job right, he will need me a little less. There are countless tiny farewells between now and his adulthood.

And you know what? I think I’ll allow myself to feel the weight of this sadness. Because, if I’m truly honest, maybe I am “that mom” after all. And yes, this childhood phase is flying by faster than I ever imagined.

If you’re interested in more about family and parenting, check out this fascinating post on tiny goodbyes.

For those seeking to expand their families, Make a Mom provides excellent resources on home insemination. And for valuable insights on pregnancy, Medical News Today offers a wealth of information.

In summary, motherhood is a beautiful yet challenging journey filled with countless moments of letting go. From small daily separations to significant milestones, each step shapes our children into independent individuals, and it’s a bittersweet ride for every parent.