Back on August 23, 2009, I shared a status update on Facebook that read: “The narcissism on Facebook is driving me up the wall. I don’t care if you’re making a tomato salad right now. Either make me laugh, cry, or teach me something—otherwise, step away from the keyboard.” Unsurprisingly, that rant didn’t win me any friends. I was labeled a curmudgeon, a crank, and worst of all, “old.” Fast forward nearly six years, and my feelings haven’t changed. In fact, I’ve now identified some personality types on Facebook that make me even crankier. Let’s dive into the ones that really get under my skin.
The Culinary Show-off
Possibly one of the most tiresome types of Facebook users, the Culinary Show-off believes simply listing the (likely organic) ingredients on their plate will make you drool with envy. Just two days ago, one such individual posted this irritating update: “Gnocchi with wild mushrooms, marjoram, and parmesan. Spinach salad with balsamic vinaigrette.” That was it—no context about whether they cooked it themselves or if it was from a restaurant worth recommending. They didn’t even include a photo! This kind of post suggests someone is dining alone, desperate for company, or trying to inflate their mealtime into something far more exciting than it actually is.
The Grief-Driven Commenter
When a celebrity passes away, these Facebook users rush to express their sorrow. While it’s thoughtful to share condolences, generic comments like “RIP Robin Williams—the day the laughter died” fail to honor the person’s memory. Instead of hastily adding to the sea of mourners, these individuals should reflect on meaningful moments or anecdotes that show how the deceased impacted their lives.
The Controversial Debater
Every Facebook feed has these folks—the ones eager to toss aside civility to make bold statements on contentious topics like politics and religion. I’m looking at you, Tom—the guy I can’t quite recall how I know—who seems to have a conspiracy theory for everything from climate change to the Federal Reserve. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and while the “block” button is always an option, it’s rather self-centered to turn a friendly social platform into a battleground for your unfiltered beliefs.
The Overzealous Enthusiast
We get it—you love to run, knit, garden, or engage in woodworking, but we don’t need daily updates on every minor detail of your hobby. I have a former classmate who feels compelled to share his daily mileage. Can you even imagine anything more tedious? While Facebook is a place to celebrate achievements, the Overzealous Enthusiast often overwhelms us with minutiae, causing us to tune out long before they complete their marathon or finish that sweater.
The Image of Perfection
In contrast to my self-deprecating posts about reality—like craving anti-anxiety meds during the holidays or sharing my misadventures with a rogue fungus on my lawn—many people portray their lives as flawless. If you don’t sprinkle in a few imperfections, I’m likely to take your glowing updates with a grain of salt. Life isn’t always perfect, and sharing those less-than-ideal moments can be refreshing.
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In summary, while Facebook can sometimes feel overwhelming due to certain personality types, it’s crucial to remember that everyone has their quirks. Understanding this can help us navigate the platform with a bit more patience and humor.