Babies are endlessly intriguing, not least because they can’t express their thoughts. I can only imagine what my daughter will say when she finally learns to talk—especially about all the peculiar things I do around the house. Like when I serve her cold milk straight from the fridge, giving her a rude awakening each time. She might just point out that many of my daily actions seem pretty odd from her perspective.
Here are ten ways I’m convinced I give her the creeps:
- I watch her while she sleeps. Sure, video monitors are standard these days, but can you imagine trying to drift off knowing someone’s eyes are on you?
- I have an uncontrollable urge to nibble on her cheeks and toes. I even call them “edible” when talking to others. There’s supposedly scientific reasoning behind this maternal impulse, but it still sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it?
- I have a keen interest in her diaper contents. The frequency, color, you name it—I’m all about those details!
- I’m an obsessive photographer and videographer. I’ve amassed a treasure trove of images and clips in just six months. It’s like I’m a well-meaning stalker, documenting every adorable moment. And let’s not even start on those silly sounds I make to coax out her smiles for the camera!
- Sometimes, I skip showering, and I can practically feel her judging me. If I were in her shoes, I’d be horrified by a caretaker who didn’t prioritize cleanliness.
- I taste-test her baby food before serving it. Come on; if I’m splurging on organic options, I need to ensure they pass my quality control!
- I occasionally refer to myself in the third person. Yes, I know it’s odd, but it just happens!
- Her rear-facing car seat means I’ve installed a mirror to keep an eye on her while driving. It’s like a creepy rearview experience.
- I pick her outfits based on my own mood. A gloomy Monday usually means she’s dressed in dull colors, while Fridays are all about vibrant, cheerful choices.
- I speak for her and create wild stories about what she’s thinking. If our roles were reversed, I’d be pretty annoyed. “Mommy is feeling a bit cranky today because she’s so sleepy. A nap is definitely in order!”
This article originally appeared on March 9, 2022.
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In summary, parenting can often feel like a delicate dance between love and absurdity. As I navigate this journey, I find humor in the quirks that come with caring for my little one, even if she does see me as a bit of a weirdo!