Nothing quite like a little adventure can reveal the complexities of a marriage.
“Oh no… I missed that turn!”
“What do you mean you missed it?”
“I mean I missed it.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yep.”
“Why didn’t you pay attention?”
“I was chatting with the kids.”
“Can’t you do both?”
“I didn’t see it coming.”
“Why didn’t you ask for guidance?”
“Because I didn’t think I needed it.”
“Well, it looks like you did.”
That detour might add just ten minutes to our journey, yet it feels monumental—a moment that signifies the countless little trials we face.
We worked through this one eventually, but these moments linger, appearing unexpectedly. Nowadays, my partner and I seem to be in a perpetual state of annoyance with one another.
I like to believe our irritation is mostly directed at the small, energetic beings that have taken over our once-peaceful home. Often, I find myself inhaling deeply, forcing a smile, and calmly addressing my children through clenched teeth. Yet, that annoyance has to be channeled somewhere, so it often lands on Tom.
There was a time when I eagerly awaited Tom’s return home, counting each second until I could see him again. Now, when he steps through the door, my first thought is, “Finally, some help!” But then he wants to change his shoes, freshen up, and maybe even use the restroom.
“Mom, isn’t it funny that Dad’s an adult, but you tell him how long he can stay in the bathroom?” my son asked the other day.
No, Jacob, I don’t find that amusing at all.
And honestly, I don’t think he finds me very amusing either. I can be a bit snappy at times, controlling, and overly emotional. I can understand why he might not like me sometimes. At this point in life, I often struggle to like myself.
My main goal for the next few years is simply to survive. I’m just hoping to hold on until the kids are all in school, managing their own needs and understanding the rules of safety. Once I reach that milestone, perhaps I can focus on becoming a more patient and pleasant person.
Until then, I’m grateful that at the end of each day, he’s still by my side. In this challenging season of raising young children, we’re committed to each other.
There really is a time for everything. I’ve come to realize this more profoundly within the context of marriage than in any other part of my life. I used to think that the current state of our relationship was permanent. I believed that if we weren’t seeing eye to eye in a moment, we never would. If I was unhappy today, that meant I’d never find happiness again.
When we relocated to Budapest, it felt like we were living in entirely separate realms—his was joyful, mine not so much. At night, a silent wall seemed to divide us. Our hands could touch, but the connection felt distant.
I can’t pinpoint when that barrier disappeared; it wasn’t a single event or breakthrough. Instead, it faded gradually. One evening, I realized it was gone. We had simply transitioned through a difficult phase, emerging on the other side.
Now, I strive to manage my emotions and avoid sweeping generalizations, trying to view this current stage as just a season—one that can be both joyful and challenging, yet will eventually pass.
Seeing it this way allows me to appreciate the joyful moments even more, knowing they won’t last forever, while also enduring the tough times with the understanding that they, too, will eventually fade.
Perhaps it’s not so much about disappearance as it is about progression. These hard times will be the ones we look back on with the most fondness and pride. “I can’t believe we made it through those early years,” he’ll say as we sit on the porch together. “Or that move to Budapest,” I’ll recall, snugging my scarf tighter around my neck (it’s always Fall in my happy future memories). We’ll be grateful we persevered.
My definition of love has evolved significantly over the years, and I expect it will continue to do so. While I believe love itself remains constant, my understanding of it is ever-changing.
These days, love feels like this: at the end of the day, even when we hardly like each other, we’re still together. We’re in this journey, no matter how messy it may get. It may not match my pre-marriage expectations, but somehow, it’s even more beautiful. Right now, in this season of parenting young children, that’s more than enough.
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Summary:
This article explores the evolving nature of marriage, highlighting how difficult phases often lead to growth and deeper connections. The author reflects on personal experiences of irritation and love within the context of parenting young children, ultimately celebrating the commitment to each other despite challenges. The piece emphasizes the importance of viewing hardships as temporary seasons that can foster both appreciation and resilience in relationships.