- Big kids don’t have accidents. Well, the truth is, you’ve had your share of mishaps—like that time during your 5K run when you couldn’t find a bathroom in time. Or the infamous Taco Tuesday when moderation was tossed out the window.
- We’re about to leave! Sure, but only after you manage to peel his fingers off the monkey bars and carry his flailing body to the car.
- You can stay here, but I’m going home. You know you can’t leave without your child, but the thought of a cozy couch and your favorite show is too tempting, so you’re trying a little reverse psychology to lure him back.
- Finish your broccoli, and then you can have dessert. Actually, you indulge in dessert without finishing your veggies more often than you’d like to admit.
- We’re out of candy. You stashed some in a secret spot and plan to enjoy it the moment he’s asleep.
- Don’t call people names. Sometimes, a little name-calling is warranted, especially when that rude person at the grocery store cuts you off.
- If you don’t brush your teeth, they’ll fall out. But those are just baby teeth—they’re destined to come out regardless of how well he brushes.
- Mama has a boo-boo. What she really needs is a nap.
- Daddy misses you! Truth is, Mama just needs a moment of peace.
- Mama needs a break. Or maybe a little something stronger, like wine.
- It’s broken. You just took the batteries out because, let’s face it, you can only handle so many noisy toys in one day.
- It’s a deflated balloon. Actually, it’s a condom—though it might have been a balloon at one point.
- It’s yucky. In reality, it’s a delicious cup of coffee—your guilty pleasure.
- It’s a milkshake! Nope, just a green smoothie packed with spinach.
- It’s candy! Really, it’s just some Tylenol.
- It’s lemonade! Surprise, it’s actually a laxative.
- It’s just a little scratch! In all honesty, it’s bleeding more than you’d like to admit.
- It’s a magic potion! Well, it’s rubbing alcohol and it’s going to sting.
- It’s just a tiny bug! Yikes, it’s a cockroach—the ultimate creepy crawly that sends chills down your spine.
- Dora isn’t on right now. You didn’t change the channel to Nick Jr. because you’ve hit your limit of animated adventures.
- Mama doesn’t know where The Very Hungry Caterpillar is. Spoiler alert: it’s on top of the fridge, and you’re not ready to recite the saga again.
- You’re driving Mama crazy! Honestly, you checked into Crazytown long before he was born.
- If you don’t stop right now… You never actually finish that sentence.
- That’s it, I’m done! Yet, you know you’re never really done. Once you became a parent, you signed up for this wild ride indefinitely.
While honesty is often the best policy, sometimes a little white lie is the only way to navigate the chaotic toddler years. For more tips on parenting and related topics, check out our article on home insemination and learn more about at-home solutions with Cryobaby at-home insemination kit. For a comprehensive resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit ASRM.
Summary
This article humorously explores the various lies that parents tell their toddlers to navigate their daily lives. From candy stashes to the reality of broken toys, these little fibs help parents maintain a semblance of sanity while raising their little ones.