A few days ago, I took my kids to the local community center. Clad in jeans and a tank top, I wasn’t there to work out but rather to relish a moment of peace. I dropped my boys off at the play area and spent a delightful hour on my laptop. In that blissful time, I wasn’t interrupted by endless requests for snacks or bathroom emergencies. It felt wonderful.
That brief escape from my children recharged my spirit. When I picked them up, I greeted them with warm hugs and kisses. We had plans to swim together, and as we changed into our bathing suits, I found myself genuinely engaged in every word of my 4-year-old’s animated tale. Listening to him talk about his adventures in the sandbox, with remnants of that day still clinging to his arms, brought me great joy. As I dressed them, their small hands on my neck and their cheerful chatter filled me with delight. I was fully present, all thanks to that brief time apart.
As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I’m typically with my kids all day, yet I still often question whether I’m spending enough quality time with them. I love watching my 4-year-old show off his scooter tricks and enjoy pretending to be a dog with my 1-year-old. Yet, the moments that thrill me the most are those I carve out for myself. Too often, I find myself half-listening to my preschooler while scrolling through texts or hunting for inspiration on social media. I wash dishes with one hand while chatting on the phone, while my kids shout, “Mama, Mama, Mama!”
Most women who embrace the SAHM lifestyle do so to be more present for their children, but I sometimes wonder if I truly am. Sure, there’s plenty of time together, but what about the quality of that time? I’m a goal-oriented person with a desire to accomplish things. When I can’t find the time or space for myself, I can become irritable. There are moments when I’m trying to work while my children are around, and their interruptions lead to frustration. Is it selfish to have my own interests? While that notion is false, it’s a thought that creeps into my mind as my 19-month-old tugs at me to check out a bug in the corner.
I love playing with my kids. I hold their tiny hands, lift them playfully, and whisk them through imaginary adventures. We build towers with blocks and knock them down, race through the house, and have our daily dance parties. Recently, I had a blast singing “Five Little Ducks” with enthusiasm. However, there’s only so much time an adult can spend in a child’s world, and those moments of sitting on the floor playing with toys are finite, regardless of being a SAHM.
My children’s ability to entertain themselves is as limited as my patience for rounds of hide-and-seek or Candy Land, so we often need to step outside. We don’t always have a destination in mind; we just need to escape the chaos of a 1-year-old scattering kitchen items and a 4-year-old rifling through bathroom drawers, questioning the purpose of items he discovers. Sometimes it’s simply easier to buckle them in the car and leave the mess behind, hoping for a chance to interact with other adults.
While getting out can be appealing, it’s not without its challenges. The kids beg for treats at the checkout, try to escape the cart, and make a mess with snacks. I often realize one of them is missing a shoe by the time we reach the car, likely left behind in the store. At that point, I often lack the energy to return for it, as both the kids and I start to unravel. I find myself getting impatient and snappy, wondering if a little time apart might actually benefit us.
I think about working moms who miss their kids while they’re at work and how that impacts their time together. Do they cherish those moments more? Do they ever see family time as a chore? I doubt it. When my husband has plans that take him away, my initial thought is often, “Great, I’m on my own with the kids again.” If I had more time away, I might view it as an opportunity for bonding and fun.
As a teacher by profession, I’ve often contemplated homeschooling, but my 4-year-old will soon start pre-K. I’m not sending him off because I believe he needs socialization or that the school system offers superior education. It’s more about the understanding that a little time apart can strengthen our relationship.
Ultimately, the quantity of time we spend with our children pales in comparison to the quality of that time. When a mother takes care of her own needs, she is better able to nurture those around her. Whether a mom stays home, works from home, or takes time for herself at a café, a balanced and fulfilling life allows her to be more present for her family. Personally, I prefer not to choose between being at home or working long hours. I think I’ll make it a habit to head to the gym in my jeans with my laptop.
In conclusion, it’s important to recognize that being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t automatically mean sacrificing personal time or well-being. Finding balance is key to enriching both your life and your children’s.
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