Last weekend, I took my kids for bagels after their swim class, and as we approached the counter, my little one spotted a tray of cookies. I could see the meltdown coming.
“Cookie!” he exclaimed, pointing with excitement. “Cookie! COOKIE!”
I gently told him that a bagel adorned with cream cheese was plenty for breakfast at 10 a.m., and that cookies would have to wait for another day. Unsurprisingly, he was not thrilled. With a determined shake of his head, he started screaming, “No!” It was evident that we were on the brink of chaos.
Just then, an unexpected hand appeared from behind the counter, presenting a big, sprinkle-covered cookie.
“Here,” the shop owner said, handing it to my son. “Enjoy this cookie on the house.”
Now, I found myself in a challenging situation. I don’t typically reward my children for whining and complaining. Being the second child, my son has learned that my attention often shifts towards my older child, which means when he cries, I check for injuries and then mentally review my to-do list. A firm “no cookie” is usually non-negotiable for me.
However, I also didn’t want to contradict the well-meaning elder who was trying to be kind, despite the misguided nature of his gesture. By directly giving a cookie to my son, the situation escalated from mildly irritating to a full-blown CODE RED. If I had snatched that cookie away, it would have triggered a tantrum that could’ve gone viral. And all this while a line of bagel enthusiasts watched intently.
While those aren’t ideal reasons to sidestep my parenting duties, after a chaotic morning of wrangling two kids through swim class, lifting my 30-pound toddler during circle time, and chasing him around the locker room while draped in a towel, I was simply worn out. So, my son kept the cookie, and I chose to remain silent. Sometimes, that’s just how things go.
But to all the well-meaning strangers out there, I have a request: please trust that I have it under control. If one of my kids is melting down in the cereal aisle or rolling on the floor at Target, understand that as their mother, I have a strategy — even if that strategy is just keeping my composure instead of joining them on the floor in a puddle of tears.
I appreciate your desire to help; really, I do. However, if you see me with a fussy child, please avoid doing any of the following:
- Offering a lollipop, cookie, or any other treat while saying, “Here you go, kid. Sorry your mom is such a meanie.”
- Telling my daughter, “If you behave, dear, your mom will buy you insert overpriced Frozen merchandise here.”
- Giving me a disapproving look, as though you might report me to Child Protective Services for not letting my toddler keep a shiny tub of foot powder he pulled from the shelf.
No matter how well-intentioned your actions may be, when you intervene in my parenting, it complicates everything. I struggle to maintain consistent boundaries, and my kids may think they can get their way if they just whine a little louder. If you genuinely want to assist, a simple sympathetic smile goes a long way in helping me maintain my sanity while being berated by a two-year-old with cookie aspirations.
Or, better yet, when the kids aren’t watching, hand me that cookie. Because unlike my pint-sized negotiators, I’ve truly earned it.
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In summary, while I appreciate the kindness of strangers, it’s essential to respect the boundaries of parenting. A little understanding goes a long way for tired parents navigating the challenges of raising kids in public.