Picture this: I’m 42, and a friend, clearly concerned, asks if the specialist I consulted gave me the green light to carry a child. “But I thought you were 35! You’re older than that?” she exclaimed. “Yes, I am! And if Halle Berry can have a baby at 46, then I can absolutely do it too!” I replied, perhaps a bit too cheerfully.
During my pregnancy, which came a decade after my first child, I was met with a mix of support and bewilderment. While my firstborn was off to fourth grade, I found myself pregnant again with my partner. Though I received many encouraging comments, there were also a slew of intrusive questions and remarks that left me nodding and smiling through clenched teeth.
My plan wasn’t originally to have a baby at 42, but the thought of not expanding our family felt far more painful. Yet, people are often uninterested in the full story. They don’t want to hear about the careful thought, prayer, and deliberation that went into this decision, especially when it doesn’t align with their expectations. Here’s how I wish I had responded to some of the more ridiculous inquiries I encountered during my pregnancy.
How did this happen?
Just like you and I were conceived—over a bucket of wine and a little fun! Classic conception never goes out of style.
You got pregnant without help?
This question, asked by everyone from the ultrasound tech to those who barely know my name, is usually inspired by the bright orange “ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE” sticker on my medical file. First off, my conception journey is nobody’s business but my doctor’s. And honestly? Just tell me I look fabulous and smart instead.
Are you more tired than in your 30s?
Absolutely! I was already running on fumes before the pregnancy, and now I’m going to bed at 2:30 in the afternoon. But I’m also wiser, more confident, financially stable, and in a much healthier relationship. Yes, the sleep deprivation hits harder than when I was 32, but thankfully it won’t feel as awful at 52, right? And have you heard about that amazing pour-over coffee trend?
This must be your last child, right?
Maybe, possibly, who knows? Thanks for your concern, mom! I realize you’re worried about my body, but this is a decision my partner and I will make privately.
You’ll be HOW OLD when she’s in college?
Oh, this is just my second child. We’re totally on board with her skipping college altogether and becoming a potter in Punta Cana! Age is just a number, right?
Are you getting married?
Nope! There’s something liberating about choosing to have a child outside of marriage at this stage of life.
What does your mother think?
Well, she might wish I’d reconsidered this whole pregnancy thing, but other than that, she’s ecstatic! She can’t wait for another little one to dote on and spoil with gifts from every clearance rack.
You know a lot has changed since your last baby, right?
Absolutely! Electricity is now a thing! But the fundamental aspects of raising kids remain unchanged. Sure, there are nifty gadgets and new parenting apps, but the essence of nurturing a child is timeless.
Are you worried people will mistake you for her grandmother?
Honestly, I’m more concerned they’ll think I’m her sister, leading her to late-night escapades and trouble! If anyone calls me “Nana,” they can tip off the tabloids about the oldest person breastfeeding!
Wow. Great?
Yes! I am nurturing a life inside me. Let’s celebrate this miracle! Please refrain from suggesting baby names, though—unless they’re truly unique.
In the end, whether it’s through home insemination or traditional methods, every journey to parenthood is uniquely beautiful and deserves respect. For those considering the path of home insemination, you might find this insightful post on intracervical insemination to be helpful. Also, check out Make a Mom’s baby maker kit for expert guidance, and for additional resources, visit ASRM.
Summary:
Pregnancy at 40+ comes with its share of awkward questions and misconceptions. From disbelief over natural conception to playful jabs about age, navigating these conversations can be challenging. It’s essential to embrace your journey, celebrate the miracle of life, and educate others along the way.