Here I am, standing in front of you, flip phone in hand, hoping for a little understanding.
I can already guess your thoughts. Yes, I reside near Lancaster, Pennsylvania, but no, I’m not Amish. I do know quite a few Anabaptists who, believe it or not, are riding in their horse-drawn buggies while contemplating the latest tech trends, like the new Apple Watch.
While the Amish often keep their cell phones tucked away in barns and avoid bringing technology into their homes, it’s amusing that they still manage to have some pretty advanced devices.
Picture this: I’m on my flip phone, attempting to reach an Amish-owned construction company.
Me: Hi there, I need a shed built in my backyard.
Mr. Miller: Sure, we’re currently busy. Can you text me the dimensions?
Me: Oh, I’m not great at texting. Would it be possible to email?
Mr. Miller: Email? That’s a bit old-fashioned for us. Maybe my cousin in Ohio still uses it.
Sure, my flip phone can send texts, sort of. With a lot of effort, I can manage to type out “Whn r u comng?” or “thx fr the bday msg!!!” But when my phone dings with a reply, I often break into a sweat. Will it spark more questions? If they ask for an address, do I even remember how to type numbers? The anxiety is real—I could very well grow old and gray, still clutching my flip phone, trying to figure out how to send “415 East 23rd Street.”
You might wonder, “What are you? Some kind of tech-challenged individual?” You mean that in the nicest way, of course.
Absolutely, I am a bit of a doofus—no offense taken! My flip phone obsession started simply because smartphones are exorbitantly priced! Even if the phone itself comes for free, the plans that keep them running are not. With three kids each wanting their own phone (even though they’d scoff at my flip phone), I’d have to choose between the smartphone bill or paying for necessities like heat and running water.
You might tell me about affordable smartphone plans, and I’ll certainly consider it. But there are other ways I embrace my doofus status. For instance, I get overwhelmed by how many ways people reach out to me. Some prefer texting, others use voicemail, and a few only message me on social media.
Then there are those who catch me in the school lobby, launching into a lengthy monologue about an upcoming event, complete with dates, times, and how many cupcakes I need to bake for the bake sale. By the time they hit the twentieth word, I’m mentally checking out, searching for a happy place where I’m never roped into volunteering again.
I’ve learned to be upfront about my limitations. “I’m a bit of a doofus and tend to forget things,” I admit. “Also, I’m not Anabaptist. Would you mind emailing me all this information? I promise to read it later when I’m not in a panic.” Surprisingly, most people are kind enough to dust off their email accounts to accommodate me, with the exception of the Amish construction worker, of course.
Another reason I haven’t upgraded to a smartphone is that it’s practically tradition for me to accidentally drop my phone in a creek while hiking or run over it with my car. Once, my phone flew out of my purse across a parking lot, exploding into a million plastic pieces as if celebrating my clumsiness. It’s much easier to accept when the phone only cost $9!
Despite my lack of modern technology, I’m still a screen enthusiast at heart. My flip phone ensures that at least part of my day is spent looking up and engaging with the real world. I’m less likely to walk into walls (which I’m particularly talented at already) without the distraction of a smartphone.
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In summary, while I may be a mom navigating the world with my trusty flip phone, I embrace my quirks and find joy in the moments that come without screens.