Dear Young Men,
Let’s talk about that unique little appendage that frequently occupies your mind and hands throughout the day. As an attentive mother, I feel it’s essential to share some insights about your penis. While I haven’t experienced having one myself, I have spent ample time observing you and learning along the way. With that in mind, here are nine important things every boy should understand about this part of your anatomy.
- No Need to Worry: First and foremost, your penis isn’t going to just fall off. It’s going to remain right where it should be (as long as you’re wearing pants), so there’s no need to keep a tight grip on it while watching TV or to fall asleep holding it. It’ll be with you for life, so perhaps treat it with a little more care.
- Hold On Tight When Necessary: While a gentle touch might be fine at times, you’ll want to keep a firm hold when using the restroom. Otherwise, you might find yourself spraying like a faulty garden hose!
- Keep It Under Wraps: As you grow, this advice will take on new meaning, so remember to keep it to yourself. There’s really no need to place it on your brother’s arm, dip it in your drink, or let it poke through various objects around the house.
- Stretch with Caution: You may think it’s fun to stretch it out like it’s made of rubber, but trust me, it’s a sight that can be hard to watch. So let’s avoid that, shall we?
- Practice Good Hygiene: If you ever need to let go of it for a snack or a quick hug, be sure to wash your hands before touching anything else. It’s just good manners and keeps things sanitary.
- It’s Okay to be Unruly Sometimes: If it’s not exactly facing the right way or gets a bit bunched up in your underwear, don’t panic—there’s no need for a meltdown.
- Choose Your Spots Wisely: Just because you can relieve yourself anywhere doesn’t mean you should. Use some discretion!
- Private Handling Only: If you feel the urge to stretch or twiddle, please do so in your room. Let’s save everyone from a bit of awkwardness.
- No Need for Showmanship: I’ve seen it all before, so there’s no need to waggle it in my direction post-bath or try to make it dance. This applies to your dad too—pass that message along!
I hope these insights serve as a helpful guide to navigating your early years with dignity when it comes to your body. You might not appreciate it now, but someday, you—and maybe even your future partner—will thank me for it.
Much love,
Mom
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Summary
This letter provides young boys with essential insights about their bodies, particularly focusing on the penis. The writer emphasizes the importance of treating this part with care, maintaining hygiene, and understanding when and where to be discreet. The light-hearted tone aims to guide boys on proper etiquette while growing up.