Recently, a friend of mine confided that she feels uncomfortable when men comment on her four-year-old daughter’s appearance while they’re out. Initially, I thought, “Oh, people just compliment little kids, nothing to worry about.” However, when she mimicked the men’s tone—squinty eyes paired with a singsong “so pretty” and a smacking of lips—I began to understand her concern. Women can easily discern the difference between genuine compliments and catcalls, and this was definitely the latter, directed at a child.
Curious about the issue, I decided to reach out to fellow parents in our Brooklyn community. I posed a question on our neighborhood listserv regarding the comments they receive about their children’s looks while out in public. I received 11 responses, all from mothers, covering around 15 children aged between 18 months and six years. Of these kids, nine were boys and six were girls.
Out of the six girls, three had experienced negative street encounters that could be considered creepy or even cruel. One mother recounted how a local man consistently tells her daughters, aged 18 months and four years, that they look like Mae West. Another mother mentioned that her five-year-old daughter, who is “a bit overweight,” frequently hears comments about her weight, often right in front of her. Examples include unsolicited advice like, “You should take her outside every day.” Thanks for the input, but we are outside right now.
The boys also received comments, but the tone from their mothers seemed more positive, often consisting of phrases like “so handsome!” or “so cute!” The most negative feedback came from a red-headed boy who grew annoyed with the remarks about his hair and started wearing a hat to avoid them.
To summarize, my limited research indicates that 50 percent of girls aged 18 months to six years have already faced body-shaming remarks or comments with inappropriate undertones. This is rather alarming. A chart from the organization Stop Street Harassment indicates that 65 percent of women have experienced street harassment, with 10 percent stating it began by age 12. Holly Kearl, the Executive Director, mentioned that many women recall these experiences starting around puberty, with some even as young as eight or nine.
This early onset could be linked to the fact that children are generally allowed to venture out on their own at ages eight or nine, making them targets for unwelcome attention. This raises questions about “free-range parenting.” Should we allow our kids to walk to school alone and explore freely, risking encounters with inappropriate comments? Or should we accompany them to shield them from such vile remarks? Boys, especially those who may not conform to traditional gender norms or who are overweight, are also susceptible to street harassment, with 25 percent of men reporting such experiences, 14 percent of which began by age 12.
I consulted with Dr. Rachel Simmons, a Ph.D. candidate in Sociology at a local university, who is studying catcalling and other forms of micro-aggressions. She was unsurprised by the early instances of unwanted attention, noting that “unwanted attention from strangers begins very early.” She highlighted that girls in school uniforms are particularly vulnerable, as men in cars often follow them and whistle during school dismissal. When girls report these incidents, they often face blame, with schools suggesting they did something to provoke the attention or advising them that it’s unladylike to express their anger.
When I brought up the issue of body image, particularly concerning the overweight child, or the lack of catcalling directed at boys, Dr. Simmons explained that experiences vary based on gender, body size, and overall presentation. The only group that seems to escape these remarks entirely are men who conform to traditional gender norms.
Regrettably, my initial reaction to my friend’s story was judgmental; I thought, “Well, she is quite beautiful,” as if that somehow justified the street harassment. However, women who may not fit conventional beauty standards also face similar treatment. Even women bundled up in winter clothes, barely recognizable, are not exempt from catcalls. This behavior isn’t about beauty; it’s a means of asserting control over women who dare to exist publicly, alone, simply going about their daily lives. Interestingly, women walking with male companions are less likely to be targeted.
So how should a mother—socialized to appease or overlook inappropriate behavior—respond? Dr. Simmons suggests, “If you feel safe, you could say, ‘Please don’t comment on my child’s appearance.’” This not only empowers the child but also teaches inappropriate commenters that their behavior is unacceptable. While this idea feels foreign to me, as I’m not used to standing up for myself, it’s essential.
Even if you’re unable to speak up in the moment, it’s crucial to discuss these experiences with your kids later. Explain that such incidents are common for girls and women and that they are not acceptable. This understanding is part of a collective process, as the behavior of bystanders is significant too. The organization Stop Street Harassment emphasizes that anyone witnessing harassment should intervene.
In my younger days, I never had the courage to confront my harassers; I typically just kept my head down and moved on. But being a parent compels you to take uncomfortable and sometimes frightening actions to protect your children. So the next time I witness someone commenting on a child’s weight, or telling an eleven-year-old she has a nice figure, or even some misguided individual saying a little girl looks like Mae West, you can be sure I will step in.
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Summary
This article discusses the disturbing trend of inappropriate comments directed towards young girls and the potential impact on their self-image. It highlights the disparity in experiences between boys and girls regarding street harassment, emphasizing the importance of teaching children about these issues. Parents are encouraged to advocate for their children and engage in open discussions about these experiences.