A recent column in the New York Times has sparked a debate about whether children should be expected to discover a “passion,” and it points a finger at the college admissions frenzy while questioning the role of overzealous parents. These are the parents who pick an activity—be it playing the saxophone or scoring goals in soccer—and insist, “You’re going to excel at this,” even if the child has no desire to be the next music prodigy or sports star.
Indeed, parents can sometimes lead their kids astray. The author of the Times piece, Lisa Thompson (a contributor to The Mid), argues that the pressures of college applications drive some parents to this behavior. In the past, colleges favored well-rounded students who explored various interests—academics, sports, music, volunteering, and more. Nowadays, however, they seek students who are deeply invested in a singular passion by the time they reach middle school.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember that my “passions” included spending hours in libraries devouring books and blasting T. Rex in my room while sipping warm soda. It wasn’t until my mid-20s that I discovered my love for writing, and my passion for figure skating emerged in my 40s. I agree with Thompson that it’s misguided for parents to force a passion upon their children.
However, here’s my big “but.” While some parents may be overly demanding, there are moments when a gentle nudge can be beneficial.
It’s perfectly okay if your child isn’t destined for a sports scholarship. I’m not enrolling my child in Little League because I believe he is the next great athlete; I’m enrolling him in sports because physical activity is essential in our home. Yes, kids can play outside or ride bikes, but as adults, we know how easy it is to skip those solo activities. When a child joins a team, they become accountable to others. It’s as if they’re making a commitment to get out and be active.
You want to explore scouting? How about marching band? I hear the local charity could use some helping hands from volunteers next week. Let’s face it, group activities can be tedious, but learning to collaborate with others is a vital skill for both work and personal life. Rather than viewing group participation as mere college fodder, consider it a lifeline.
And let’s not forget about music. I’m not expecting my child to perform at Carnegie Hall or create a viral YouTube video; I just want them to have the ability to express themselves through music. Learning an instrument or song opens up a world of communication across cultures, transcending language barriers. Plus, let’s be honest—who doesn’t love a good guitar player?
We all know that hard work often triumphs over raw talent. We’ve seen the student who flunks a subject simply because they relied on their intelligence without effort. I don’t expect perfect grades, but it’s important for kids to experience what it feels like to earn achievements through hard work. That way, if they choose not to apply themselves later, they’ll understand it’s a decision rather than an unavoidable fate.
I’ll let you know when it’s time to quit. If my child is involved in a genuinely unsafe activity or faces abusive mentors, it’s an easy decision to allow them to walk away. Otherwise, they need to give new activities a real shot. Before they throw in the towel with, “I can’t do this,” they should work with a teacher or coach to set achievable goals and strive for those. I once told my middle child she could stop playing the violin after mastering a particular song she found difficult. After many struggles and even a couple of flying bows, she succeeded and felt proud of her accomplishment, only to decide to switch to clarinet—something she truly enjoys. Yes, there are still frustrating learning moments, but she has learned the value of perseverance.
So let’s not paint all assertive parents with the same brush. Many of us are simply making sensible choices that encourage growth.
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Summary: Encouraging your child to explore different activities can help them develop essential life skills and understand the value of hard work, even if they don’t turn out to be passionate about every endeavor. Sometimes, a gentle push is necessary for growth and learning.