This has nothing to do with the prospect of stretch marks but everything to do with an amusing photo my friend recently shared. The image was taken from the bathroom floor, showing the chubby fingers of a curious toddler reaching under the door. The caption read: “This is your future.” I can handle the messes and the meltdowns, but here are the things that genuinely frighten me about parenthood:
- What if I misplace one of them? I often struggle to remember where I parked my car, and I consistently lose my favorite leggings. This makes me question my ability to care for a small, fragile human being. Sure, kids make noise, but so does my phone, and I haven’t seen it in hours.
- What if they spill all my secrets? Kids are like tiny spies, and the wisdom they share is often just a regurgitation of my offhand comments. Once I have children, every slip of the tongue—be it a sarcastic remark or an embarrassing moment—will be immortalized and shared with the world at the most inconvenient times.
- What if they become criminals? It doesn’t take much TV watching to realize that mothers frequently shoulder the blame for their children’s future misdeeds. Every choice I make about feeding, diapering, or bedtime could be the tipping point that leads my child down a dark path.
- What if I can’t feed them properly? I have a tendency to eat the same few meals repeatedly. However, I’ve heard that children can be quite particular about their food and tend to get hungry at unexpected times. If I end up with a child who doesn’t appreciate my culinary preferences, we might find ourselves in a food crisis.
- What if I can’t afford them? When I was a kid, I just wanted a teddy bear that could be drawn on. Today, it seems like every child has the latest gadgets. With my current budget, I can barely afford a new phone charger, let alone compete with parents who turn every holiday into a grand spectacle.
- What if sleep becomes a distant memory? My current bedtime routine takes two hours, and I meticulously avoid screens to ensure a good night’s sleep. I can only imagine how introducing a small child into the mix would disrupt this delicate process.
- What if my true feelings slip out? I often overhear other parents at the store trying to manage their kids with snacks and toys. One day, I might find myself in that situation, and when my little one yells, “I HATE YOU!” I can see myself responding, “WELL, I DON’T LIKE YOU EITHER!”—and then I’d have to worry about onlookers judging me.
- What if I’m unwell at the same time as my kids? I’m the type who can’t function when I have the slightest cold. The thought of being bedridden while caring for a child who can’t even open a bottle of medicine is daunting.
- What if the judgmental moms come for me? I’m not great at handling scrutiny, especially when it comes to my life choices. I hope there will be resources to guide me on how to navigate the endless judgments from more experienced parents.
- What if my love life disappears? The universe’s cruel twist is that having a baby often means the end of an active sex life. It’s like biting into a chocolate only to find it filled with beet-flavored quinoa—surprising, and possibly something I’d have to learn to live with.
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In summary, while the idea of parenthood is filled with joy, it also comes with a whirlwind of anxieties that can leave anyone questioning their readiness. The thought of misplacing a child, dealing with judgment, and the loss of sleep are just a few of the many worries that accompany this journey.