Updated: November 18, 2020
Originally Published: April 27, 2015
There’s a common belief that if we don’t give in to undesirable behaviors—like ignoring a toddler’s tantrum or pretending to enjoy a lackluster romantic encounter—things will improve. This notion often comforts us in our youth, as we strive to avoid the pitfalls of unsatisfying long-term commitments. If we just handle things correctly now, we naively think, we can tidy up the chaos and make life smoother.
But let’s be honest: it’s a myth. Some partners are just not great in bed, some mother-in-laws will make you feel guilty regardless of your decisions, and toddlers? Well, they’ll throw fits no matter what. While it’s wise not to indulge in these behaviors, believing that we can fundamentally change people is a different story altogether.
Perhaps we cling to this misconception to distract ourselves from our own shortcomings. For example, in elementary school, I often left permission slips at home and missed out on school trips. I’d think, “Next time I’ll remember!” But just the other day, I stumbled upon a pile of thank-you notes I wrote five years ago—addressed and stamped, yet never sent.
Here’s my A to Z list of things I still can’t seem to master, despite countless attempts, practice, and more than a few embarrassing consequences:
- Anything related to a calendar
- Birthday cards—buying and sending
- Attending conferences, parent-teacher meetings, or even 8th-grade events (after multiple planning emails!)
- Visiting doctors
- Any sport involving a ball
- Finding fall coats
- Creating grocery lists
- Maintaining my hair
- Navigating insurance companies
- Making appointments without stress
- Coordinating kids’ social activities
- Cooking long-grain rice without burning (yes, even in a rice cooker)
- Moisturizing properly
- Not spilling things
- Giving and following oral instructions
- Anticipating the arrival of my period
- Quickly recalling names
- Adapting to routine changes
- Wearing shoes (like the time I ended up barefoot in Manhattan after my mom dropped me off)
- Managing utility shut-offs
- Remembering to bring and return umbrellas
- Checking voicemail
- Looking at the weather before leaving the house
- Completing tax forms (like the night before our home closing, when panic set in because I couldn’t find the Real Estate Transfer Tax form)
- Remembering yesterday’s emails marked as “read”
- Zzzz (any kind of meeting)
No one excels at everything, no matter how hard they try, and we all know this deep down. Real adulthood may be about recognizing our flaws without letting them define our overall competence. I used to think being in my forties meant having everything figured out. Now I realize that perhaps it’s simply about accepting that my strengths don’t include keeping track of paperwork or umbrellas.
This article was originally published on April 27, 2015.
For more insights, check out this article on family-building options, an excellent resource for those on a similar journey. And for anyone interested in enhancing their fertility journey, visit this guide for helpful information and products. You can also find out more about our privacy policy here.
Summary
In this lighthearted reflection, I share the ongoing challenges I face in my forties, from calendar management to cooking disasters. Despite my efforts to improve these areas, I realize that embracing my flaws is part of adulthood. It’s okay not to excel at everything, and acknowledging that can be liberating.