Parenting
Updated: August 22, 2015
Originally Published: April 30, 2015
I always thought my parents would be around forever—don’t we all? My parents were quite young when they started their family, anticipating the same youthful grandparenting experience that their own parents had. They welcomed four children before turning 26, a stark contrast to the choices I’ve made. I didn’t meet my partner until I was 32, and after enjoying a few carefree years of romance, we waited five more years before having our first child.
We’re certainly not alone in our decision to wait. Time Magazine has highlighted the phenomenon known as the “grandparent deficit,” where many children now lack grandparents who are youthful enough to lend a hand with babysitting or to engage actively in their lives like many of us did with our grandparents. I fondly remember my great-grandmother playing tennis! My grandmother, who celebrated her 95th birthday last year, was only 47 when I was born and had already welcomed four grandchildren. We share a close bond, and I feel comfortable discussing anything with her. Because of her choices, she now has a large family, including children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, enough to form a small army. She inspires me, but I know I won’t experience the same with my own family due to having my first child at 37 and my second at 41.
This “grandparent deficit” is indeed a sad reality. My grandparents were incredibly devoted and always eager to spend time with us. They had a playful rivalry that benefited us, ensuring our weekends were filled with fun. Some of my most cherished memories with my grandmother, who passed away while I was in college, were made in her living room as she created unique games for us or spun tales featuring the Wickawitch family to entertain us during bath time—such intimacy is rare with a 60-year age gap.
That same grandmother became a friend to me; as a teenager, I’d take the subway to catch movies with her, sharing thoughts and secrets I wouldn’t tell anyone else. Now, with my kids aged 11 and 7, my dad is 72, but he’s the most energetic septuagenarian I know. Unfortunately, I lost my mom to cancer a few years back. While they spent time together, my children won’t have that teenage friendship with her, which truly breaks my heart.
However, I don’t believe there’s much we can do about this. Nowadays, people don’t rush into marriage just to leave their parents’ homes. My parents tied the knot at 20 but separated 11 years later because their aspirations changed as they grew older. Asking people to have children earlier isn’t a feasible solution. All we can do is encourage our kids to build relationships with their grandparents. When school’s out and I have a free day, my dad is usually the first person I call, and my in-laws know they can drop by on weekends. Now that my son has a cell phone, he can text his grandparents, fostering a connection that doesn’t always go through us.
My dad remains more active than most people I know, so I believe there’s still ample time for meaningful relationships to develop. My grandmother also knows my kids, which is no small feat given she has 16 great-grandchildren! They are certainly setting great examples for the future. We can only hope that our children will start their families sooner than we did, allowing us to enjoy being grandparents too. If you’re interested in fertility treatments or exploring home insemination options, this excellent resource can help you navigate your choices.
In summary, while the trend of having children later in life may create a “grandparent deficit,” there are ways to strengthen the bonds between generations. Encouraging relationships and finding opportunities for connection can help bridge the gap created by age differences.