We all know honesty is a virtue, something we teach our kids from the get-go. Yet, there are moments in parenting where a little fib becomes essential. I’m sure you can relate to at least a few of these, right? If not, I’ll wager a full night’s sleep that you’re not being entirely truthful!
Lie #1:
No, we haven’t had any health issues with the kids; we’d love to join you!
Truth: My son, Timmy, has been coughing for days and sounds like a croaky old man. But honestly, we need to socialize or I might just lose my mind!
Lie #2:
Ugh, we can’t make it—Timmy is under the weather.
Truth: Your conversation about your husband’s high school sports glory is as thrilling as watching paint dry. Plus, your house smells like chicken noodle soup, and I can’t handle another bowl of that!
Lie #3:
We had the most amazing family vacation!
Truth: I recently learned that some snakes eat their young, and I totally get it!
Lie #4:
I never let my child eat fast food.
Truth: If you can whip up a gourmet meal during the three-minute drive from school to soccer practice, you should definitely pitch that to Shark Tank!
Lie #5:
My kids have never dealt with lice.
Truth: Have you seen Outbreak? That was our October, let me tell you.
Lie #6:
They only get an hour of screen time each day.
Truth: Timmy could recite every episode of Peppa Pig if you offered him a bag of Skittles.
Lie #7:
Yes, we’re definitely looking into summer camps; we just can’t pick one.
Truth: Not only have I not started looking, but good luck affording those camps! Most run from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., and I work full time. I’m already stressed thinking about how to juggle drop-offs and pick-ups without losing my job. Plus, who wants to pay hundreds for a camp where Timmy just gets sunburned and chased by mosquitoes?
Lie #8:
I cherish every single moment of motherhood.
Truth: Some days, I’d rather show up to my high school reunion in my birthday suit than play hide and seek one more time.
Lie #9:
I loved being pregnant!
Truth: Stretch marks are the new fashion statement, right?
Lie #10:
I’d love to help out, but we’re out of town this weekend.
Truth: No one is allowed to post ANYTHING on social media for the next three days. And we’re definitely not leaving the house, so don’t even ask.
Lie #11:
Timmy is really shining in soccer this year; he’s a natural!
Truth: I think the coach is hoping for the bench to swallow him whole.
It’s totally normal to find yourself stretching the truth now and then. I, for one, will vow to be more honest—just as soon as my sweet little guy wakes up from his (Tylenol-induced) nap. For more parenting humor, check out our post on 18 Lies Moms Tell Their Kids to Stay Sane.