“May 18th,” my daughter replied, though she was mistaken. Perhaps we should have skipped this outing. The evening before, my almost 9-year-old had expressed anxiety about attending the Birthday Book Club, as she dislikes the chaos of morning routines. I reassured her that our schedule wouldn’t change; we’d simply drive to school instead of her taking the bus. Yet, she remained apprehensive, already feeling the weight of this slight shift in our routine twelve hours ahead of time. I completely understood her feelings.
I often wonder whether I’ve experienced anxiety my entire life or if it developed later on. For many years, I didn’t recognize that the emotions I felt—anger, hesitation, frustration, and fear—were tied to Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I attributed my stomachaches, headaches, and tendency to withdraw socially to other causes. I never realized that I was more sensitive to sounds, feelings, and emotional overload than most people. Because of this lack of understanding, my self-esteem suffered.
I’m uncertain if my daughter has GAD or if she’s simply a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). What I do know is that I often feel responsible for her struggles. Yet, amidst my guilt, I am grateful to recognize the signs of what she’s experiencing. I wish I could eliminate her discomfort, but I also appreciate that I can equip her with coping strategies, ensuring she isn’t overwhelmed by her feelings—whether they stem from anxiety or just the challenges of being sensitive.
After we corrected the volunteer with the right birthday and affixed her name sticker to the book, my daughter settled into a seat to listen to the librarian read. She chose a spot just a couple of steps from where she had been standing, unable to muster the courage to look for a better view. I suggested we leave for her classroom, and she agreed.
As we approached the collection of backpacks near the library entrance, the bell rang. My daughter froze when she heard the tardy bell. I reminded her that the librarian had assured us that no one would be marked tardy from the Birthday Book Club, but she remained unconvinced.
Taking her hands in mine, I looked into her eyes and encouraged her to breathe deeply. We took one breath, then another. She wrapped her arms tightly around me, and we said our goodbyes. She hurried down the long hallway, and I stood watching until she turned the corner, wishing I could absorb her distress and carry it for her.
As someone with GAD and who identifies as a Highly Sensitive Person, motherhood can sometimes feel overwhelming. I often sense my daughters’ emotions even before they do. My hope is to be strong enough to support them when they need it, while also being attuned enough to recognize when they require help without them needing to ask.
It’s a challenging journey for me as a mom, and I can only imagine how much more challenging it may be for my daughter. However, I’ve come to realize that we rarely have a say in the burdens we carry; instead, we can choose how we respond to them.
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Summary:
This article explores the author’s concerns about passing on anxiety to her daughter. It reflects on personal experiences with anxiety and sensitivity, highlighting the importance of understanding and coping strategies for both parent and child. The author expresses hopes for her daughter’s emotional resilience while acknowledging the challenges they both face.