Moms have a knack for self-preservation, whether that’s calling a friend to vent or texting a partner for takeout—again. We’ve all had those moments of solitude behind a locked bathroom door, or perhaps indulging in a bath, sipping wine, or watching a funny movie. Sometimes, though, the best preservation technique is to become a “Lobotomy Mom.”
Now, I’m not suggesting an actual lobotomy; the method of splitting brain hemispheres with an ice pick is so last century. The term “Lobotomy Mom” came from a therapist who advised a friend on how to deal with her kids’ squabbles. The idea is to temporarily switch off the part of your brain that feels compelled to intervene, guide, or correct your children.
Yes, it’s a wild concept, and honestly, it’s something I struggle with as much as anyone else. Here are some scenarios where practicing this “Lobotomy Mom” technique could lead to a little more sanity.
1. When Your Kids Are Arguing
I’ve noticed that when my kids bicker (and no one’s getting hurt), they resolve their differences faster if I stay out of it. When I step in, they shift their focus from convincing each other to convincing me, kind of like adding a mediator to a couple’s spat.
2. When They’re Doing Homework
Let’s face it: I can hardly understand their homework anymore. It’s best for everyone if I just keep quiet and let them figure it out without my “expertise.”
3. When They’re Getting Dressed
This is the toughest one for me. But honestly, if they choose to wear mismatched outfits, that’s their call. I’ve had to learn to let this one go.
4. When They’re Cleaning Their Rooms
Kids’ cleaning skills leave much to be desired, but if I never let them try, they’ll never improve. It’s a messy process, but growth comes from experience.
5. When They’re Playing Quietly
Ever found yourself thinking, “It’s too quiet; what are they up to?” If they’re old enough to avoid serious danger, let them be. This is a lesson I often have to remind myself of.
6. When They’re Engaging in Mildly Dangerous Activities
Before becoming adults, kids should learn to climb trees, whittle with pocket knives, and ride bikes down hills. If I let my fears dominate, I’m robbing them of valuable experiences.
7. When They’re Struggling to Make Friends at the Playground
Watching your child face rejection can be agonizing. I can offer them tools, but making friends is something they need to navigate on their own. I must detach and let them figure it out.
8. When They Refuse to Wear a Coat
My son once had to stay inside during recess for refusing his coat. He never complained about wearing one again. Lesson learned!
9. When They’re Being Creative
Kids have wonderfully bizarre imaginations. If we let them express their creativity freely, they’ll create some truly unique things. We need to resist the urge to enforce our own visions on their art.
10. When They’re Completing a Task You Assigned
Even if they are doing it all wrong, let them be. This is part of learning. Just step back and let them try—it’s beneficial for both of you.
We could all use a little mental detachment from our kids now and then. By becoming a “Lobotomy Mom,” we not only help ourselves but also allow our children to learn and grow independently. After all, preserving our sanity means we have more to offer them.
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In summary, stepping back from certain parenting situations not only helps maintain your sanity but also encourages your kids to develop their skills and independence.