Parenting Insights
By Jamie Reynolds
Updated: June 3, 2016
Originally Published: May 9, 2015
My mother was anything but ordinary. With a flair for the loud and a penchant for the crude, her advice often straddled the line between ridiculous and unforgettable. Yet, woven into those colorful memories are invaluable lessons—one of the most significant being how to articulate my own identity.
As a book-loving pre-teen who was more into Woody Allen films than the average kid, I leaned heavily on self-deprecating humor. I thought it was charming, especially since my friends appeared to enjoy it, until my mom shattered that illusion: “When you constantly speak negatively about yourself, people will remember those negative things, but they’ll forget who said them.”
Wait, what? How could they forget that I was the one saying those things? “But I’m just joking,” I protested.
“It doesn’t matter,” she replied. “They’ll forget it was you, and they won’t even remember that it was funny.”
I paused to reflect. I imagined a scenario: “Should we invite Jamie to the gathering? Nah, she gets so awkward at parties.” Maybe she had a point. Then she hit me with the kicker: “It works the other way too. If you speak positively about yourself, people will also forget who said it.”
That was intriguing.
Fast forward to my time as an assistant at a television network. I handled calls and arranged meetings, all while watching writers and actors land roles that I coveted. “I’m definitely on the wrong side of this,” I thought. When someone asked me about my aspirations, I admitted I wanted to be a writer, but felt invisible in that role. “Just keep telling people you’re a writer,” he advised. “Eventually, someone who hasn’t seen your work will take a chance on you.”
That was my mother’s wisdom echoing through the hallways of my workplace.
Of course, it wasn’t enough for my mom to say it—her advice had to be validated by someone else for it to resonate, reminiscent of the time my mother suggested using an ice cream scoop for muffin batter, and I shrugged it off until a famous chef echoed the same idea. “Didn’t I tell you that ages ago?” I can almost hear her say, and I miss hearing her voice now.
That friend’s advice and the chef’s wisdom were right on target, and it all traced back to my mom. Within months of confidently declaring myself a writer, I secured my first two paying gigs—jobs given to me by individuals who had never even seen my work before.
“Jamie’s a writer, isn’t she?”
You bet she is!
So, take my mother’s advice to heart. Avoid labeling yourself as awkward or unskilled. Steer clear of self-deprecating humor, especially around those who don’t know you well and haven’t yet developed an appreciation for your quirks. Instead, with a dash of humility, share your strengths and aspirations because people will forget who originally said it and might just offer you a chance to pursue your passions. And, of course, listen to your mom—there’s no need to wait for someone like a famous chef to validate her wisdom.
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Summary
Embrace your identity and speak positively about yourself, as this can open doors and create opportunities. My mother’s lessons on self-expression still resonate, reminding us that the way we communicate about ourselves matters greatly.