What to Anticipate When You Drop By Unexpectedly

self insemination kit

If you happen to swing by my place and I wasn’t prepared for your arrival, especially during the day while my partner is still at work, here’s what you can expect from me and my humble abode. Fair warning: this could be your last visit.

1. I probably won’t have showered today. I might have managed it yesterday, but today? Nope. So, keep your distance. And don’t give me that look; I know I’m not exactly at my best (okay, maybe I am).
2. My hair will likely be a messy ball on top of my head, so greasy it could stand on its own. My toddler likes to mimic me with a similar style, declaring, “I’m Mama!” It’s cute, I suppose.
3. I may have my arms crossed because, let’s face it, I’m not wearing a bra. Or, I’ll be holding a little one in front of me like a shield; don’t be surprised if I hand them to you and dash to my room for a quick fix.
4. Fatigue will be evident. You’ll notice the dark circles under my eyes, especially since I won’t be wearing any makeup.
5. Toys? They’ll be everywhere.
6. The scent of dirty diapers mixed with apple cinnamon air freshener will greet you. You might arrive right after a diaper disaster, or I could be on the hunt for my kid who has hidden and had an “accident.” It’s one of the less glamorous aspects of parenting—sorry about that!
7. The floor? It’s probably sticky. Because toddlers.
8. Someone will definitely be crying; there’s a 50/50 chance it’ll be me.
9. My kids will cling to you as if you’re a long-lost friend rather than a visitor.
10. There will be something bubbling away in my slow cooker. Without it, we might just starve.
11. You might notice a load of laundry in the washer that I’ve had to rewash every morning for three days. How does that even happen? I feel like I’m perpetually doing laundry.
12. You’ll also find a pile of laundry on the couch that I’ve attempted to fold at least once daily for the last three days. Thanks, toddlers!
13. The couch will likely not be a viable seating option. Between the unfolded laundry and my little ones jumping around yelling “Cannonball,” good luck finding a spot.
14. I’ll have my kids showcase their latest accomplishments. I’m so proud of them, and I’ll expect you to at least pretend to be impressed.
15. Initially, I may feel a bit embarrassed, but seeing you will bring me joy. I could really use a chat with someone who’s closer to my height.
16. I’ll be even more thrilled if you come bearing coffee. An iced raspberry white mocha would totally hit the spot.
17. I might leave you with my kids for a moment while I sneak away. Don’t worry—I’ll return with clean, flower-scented hair, moisturized skin, and a renewed outlook on life.

If you’re curious about home insemination, check out this in-depth resource on the IVF process for further insights. Also, for those exploring self-insemination options, this guide offers a wealth of information. Plus, if you’re interested in exploring the topic further, you can visit this blog post for more tips and tricks.

In summary, unexpected visits to my home may lead you to a chaotic yet affectionate environment filled with messy realities of parenthood. Expect a warm welcome, albeit one that comes with a side of unkempt hair and sticky floors.