After years of juggling work and three energetic kids, I’ve cracked the code for a successful family dinner in just 38 straightforward steps.
- Dash home from the office, cruising just enough to catch every green light without attracting the attention of local law enforcement.
- Start prepping the chicken for the meal.
- Realize you’re out of salt. Compensate by adding extra pepper instead.
- Set out the chicken, buns, cheese, and grilling tools for your partner.
- Pull out carrots, cucumber, and lettuce for the salad.
- Discover there’s only a quarter of a cucumber left.
- Grumble about your partner’s choice of cocktails last night.
- Find croutons in the cupboard; they’ll add the crunch you need.
- Assemble the salad.
- Lift your toddler off the floor after he dramatically flopped down, spotting a leaf of lettuce.
- Start negotiating with your little one: three bites of salad earns one Popsicle.
- Successfully get the salad, chicken, and milk to the table, along with your toddler.
- Sit down to eat.
- Get back up to cut the chicken into bite-sized pieces for your toddler.
- Stand up again to fetch more ketchup for your toddler, who previously devoured the original serving with a spoon.
- Ask your partner about their day.
- Attempt to reassure your toddler that the black specks on the chicken aren’t pepper; they’re tiny bits of chocolate.
- When the noise level reaches dog-barking territory, scrape off the pepper and cheese from the chicken—yesterday’s favorite is today’s enemy.
- Sit back down and take a sip of your wine.
- Tell your toddler he’s not done; three bites of his bun dipped in ketchup is not a balanced meal.
- Clarify that he won’t get the promised Popsicle without three bites of salad and chicken.
- Wait for him to count out six bites using his fingers.
- Settle for five bites when he proudly holds up five fingers and insists on that number. Genius that he is, he shouldn’t be held to the same standards as others.
- Explain that licking the chicken doesn’t count as a bite.
- Give your partner a blank stare, struggling to remember if they actually answered your earlier question.
- Agree with your toddler that two croutons and a carrot qualify as three bites of salad.
- Grab a wet napkin to clean up the carrot your toddler chewed and spat onto the dog.
- Sit down and take a bite of chicken.
- Get up to retrieve a third helping of ketchup for your little one.
- Threaten empty consequences: no Thomas the Train before bedtime if he doesn’t finish his chicken.
- Hand over the iPad so your toddler can watch Thomas while finishing his meal.
- Take another bite of chicken, only to find it’s now cold and over-peppered.
- Discard the food and refill your wine glass.
- Grab a Popsicle for your toddler; two bites of chicken are practically the same as three.
- Politely ask your toddler to put his plate in the sink.
- Retrieve the plate from the trash can and place it in the sink.
- Discover the missing salt shaker at the bottom of the garbage.
- Pat yourself on the back for successfully navigating another family meal. Just 7,142 more to go!
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Summary
Family dinners can be a delightful chaos, and with a mix of patience, creativity, and a bit of negotiation, it’s possible to turn them into enjoyable experiences. From prepping the meal to handling toddler tantrums, these 38 steps illustrate the humorous yet relatable journey of making family meals happen.