21 Activities to Engage Your Kids That Might Just Drive Them Wild

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Recently, I received some feedback from readers suggesting that baking cookies with my kids might not be the healthiest family activity. In fact, the term “destructive” was thrown around. I had shared a story about a tough day where my eating disorder made an unwelcome appearance. Instead of succumbing to negative self-talk, I chose to channel my energy into a bonding experience with my children, which involved cookie baking.

Who knew that baking cookies could be such a faux pas? Apparently, I was inadvertently teaching them that it’s fine to disregard the inner critic, that it’s acceptable to indulge in a cookie every now and then. Thank goodness for those insightful commenters; I wouldn’t want to lead my kids astray. After all, they should be aware that enjoying cookies might one day have them riding around in hovercrafts like the folks in Wall-E.

This revelation got me reflecting on other activities I enjoy with my kids, which could be seen as irresponsible parenting. It seems I’ve been paving the way to parenting disaster all along. So, for those who are interested in joining the trend of “irresponsible parenting,” here’s a list of 21 activities you might consider if your goal is to really mess things up:

1. Bake cookies. If you want them to grow up lazy and unhealthy.
2. Visit the zoo. Teach them that captivity is funny—might as well read them some adult romance novels at bedtime!
3. Fly a kite. If you want to show them that nature is nothing to respect. What happens when it gets caught in a tree? Littering! Or worse, a bird could meet its untimely end.
4. Push them on swings. If you want to teach them that pushing others is fun and encourage them to be “swingers.”
5. Let them race their Hot Wheels. If you foresee a future where you’re bailing them out of reckless driving charges.
6. Stop by a fast food drive-thru for a milkshake. If you want them to think drinking and driving is acceptable.
7. Draw with sidewalk chalk. If you’re fine with raising graffiti artists.
8. Build a fort. If you’re aiming to nurture a future recluse.
9. Take them to the library. Let them pick out books—because who doesn’t want to raise a shoplifter?
10. Play dress-up. If you want to set the stage for their future identity theft career.
11. Visit a fast food place with a play area. If you want them to think public play is just dandy.
12. Engage in card games. If you want them to end up in gamblers anonymous.
13. Play tag. If you want to teach them to run away from their problems.
14. Start a collection of leaves or rocks. If you want them to star in Hoarders one day.
15. Use puppets for play. If you want them to think they can speak for others.
16. Exercise together. If you want them to develop unhealthy body image issues.
17. Push them in a stroller. If you want to raise lazy kids looking for a free ride.
18. Play Simon Says. If you want to cultivate future little dictators.
19. Plant a garden. If you want to inspire them to grow their own illicit crops.
20. Go for a bike ride. If you want them to join a motorcycle gang in the future.
21. Write a satirical post about unsolicited parenting advice. If you want to teach them to disregard others’ opinions (this one might not mess them up at all).

For more insights on parenting and family activities, check out this blog post on home insemination. And if you’re interested in practical resources, Healthline offers excellent information on IUI, while Make a Mom is a great source for DIY insemination kits.

In summary, while many of these activities are intended for fun and bonding, they come with a humorous twist that highlights the absurdity of overthinking parenting choices. Life is about balance, and indulging in a little fun with your kids can be a great way to bond, as long as we keep perspective.