The urge to fit in or adhere to societal norms influences everyone to some degree. While this desire can be beneficial, helping us avoid inappropriate behaviors, it can also suppress individuality. If your goal is to raise compassionate, intelligent, and innovative children—especially boys—be prepared to embrace a different path.
As a parent of sons, I’m acutely aware of the toxic pressures that modern society imposes on boys. In the early years, I often faced criticism for prioritizing violin lessons over baseball, promoting reading over video games, and limiting screen time. However, I chose to ignore the critics because my focus was never on popularity. Interestingly, my boys have become well-liked among their peers.
Here’s a significant insight: I genuinely believe that my children possess incredible potential. And I believe the same holds true for your children. Recognizing my kids as individuals brimming with possibilities has enabled me to filter out misguided advice and fleeting trends. Our aim is to cultivate integrity rather than chase after social media validation. While I don’t aspire for my sons to achieve titles or accolades, I do envision them growing into kind, moral men who spread positivity wherever they go.
Admittedly, we’ve made our share of mistakes. Nonetheless, we do not tolerate unkindness. My boys learned early on that making jokes about someone’s appearance, background, or education is unacceptable. We share plenty of laughs, but those are directed at the absurdities of life, not at the expense of others.
Leading by Example
Teaching kindness often starts with leading by example. Simple acts, like showing respect to cashiers and waitstaff, can open up conversations with kids about hard work and the challenges others face. A quick drive through a fast-food restaurant can serve as an opportunity to discuss the efforts behind the scenes and the realities of juggling multiple jobs. By acknowledging good work and respecting all professions, we instill compassion and empathy in our children.
Addressing Poor Behavior
The phrase “boys will be boys” is too often used to excuse poor behavior. While it’s essential to understand that boys will make messes and engage in rough play, we don’t condone fighting, objectifying women, or using crude language in our home. My friend Jamie is navigating the parenting of twin boys who just turned four. When she expressed her concern about their recent hitting, I replied, “You’ll need to address this consistently over the next 15 years.” While it may sound sarcastic, it reflects the reality of raising boys. Just recently, my 21-year-old learned to wrestle without anyone ending up in tears or needing stitches. Boys will be boys, but it is our role to guide them toward managing their tempers.
I personally disagree with the “let them fight it out” approach. My husband and I both grew up with brothers who fought, leading to lasting resentment. Teaching boys to control their impulses will serve them well as they transition into adulthood.
Preparing for Fatherhood
Preparation for fatherhood begins early. When one of my boys scores a goal or aces a test, I’m thrilled. However, my pride swells even more when they help soothe a restless baby at church or engage with younger kids during playtime. As the saying goes, “A man never stands taller than when he kneels to help a child.”
Crude humor, especially that which objectifies women, has no place in the lives of real men. Old-fashioned manners, like saying “excuse me” after a burp, may seem outdated but are timeless. I believe in the value of traditional gestures—holding doors open, shoveling sidewalks, and offering seats on public transport.
Understanding Grief
It’s also important for our sons to understand grief. Although this topic requires careful handling, it’s crucial they grasp the struggles faced by those around them. For instance, discussing broader issues like hunger can sometimes feel easier than addressing a family member’s job loss. By acknowledging that everyone faces challenges, we cultivate compassion and perspective in our kids. As Plato wisely advised, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Fostering Whimsy
Lastly, fostering a sense of whimsy contributes to kindness. My son often says, “Life would be so dull if my parents weren’t so silly.” I wholeheartedly embrace my playful side. I believe it’s essential to maintain a spirit of joy, whether it’s making homemade valentines, splashing through puddles, or enjoying a backyard water fight.
Laughter and kindness go hand in hand; the more we encourage joy at home, the happier we all become. Ultimately, we are all meant for happiness.
Summary
Raising compassionate, intelligent, and innovative boys requires embracing a unique parenting style that prioritizes kindness and empathy over societal pressures. By modeling good behavior, discussing complex subjects like grief, and maintaining a playful spirit, parents can nurture their children into well-rounded individuals. This thoughtful approach enables boys to grow into kind men who contribute positively to the world.